I learned a few things while watching the ARIAs last night:
1. I’m old now
2. I was right to dislike most pop music when I was a teenager
3. Gabriella Cilmi, of whose existence I’d caught only wafts from television and the papers, is this year’s anointed superstar. Before last night I thought maybe she was on Neighbours, but then I wasn’t even really sure she was Australian. I was also surprised to learn that I had given her that much thought.
4. As a spectacle, the ARIAs show is roughly equivalent to what you get at half time in the AFL Grand Final
5. Gabriella Cilmi is only 17 years old. At that age, she’s really not going to max out the opportunities at the ARIAs after party
6. It is essentially a promotional vehicle. Given the saturation coverage Cilmi and her music will get today and tomorrow and this week, even usually sensible people will give in and pay money for some of it. Job done.
7. One of the Veronicas appears to have anorexia, the one who doesn’t play the little keyboard. If it was me jumping around promoting that music, I’d be off my food too. Could someone please tell her Mum
8. As far as an acknowledgment of one’s musical achievements, of the beauty one has created as an artist, and as recognition of where one stands in the pantheon of Australian music, an ARIA is worthless. File next to Logie
9. Gabriella Cilmi hasn’t finished school yet
10. Delta Goodrem’s husband, the Irish fella, is yet to reach satisfactory levels of stardom in Australia. If he had, he would have stayed home with his wife.
11. The stage is set up so some of the fans are in a pit while the stars stroll along an elevated walkway. On their way to the microphone, the talent bends down — it deigns — to lay some skin on the fans, who on TV are just desperate, reaching arms. If you’re in the pit, when Rove turns around and puts his arse out for you to touch instead of his hand, you should take that as a mark of disrespect and do something equally disrespectful back.
12. On the scale of global awards ceremonies, the ARIAs only rated PiNK. Seems about right to me.
4 Comments
I must admit that I have no idea who Gabriella Cilmi is. I heard that Nick Cave won something.
You’re not old.
And The Panics were robbed.
You actually watched the ARIA’s?
I learned:
1. The Presets are old. And they’re a poor man’s KLF.
2. That Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu bloke’s performance was marred somewhat by some in the audience whooping and ‘yeah-ing’ inappropriately. Poor Geoffo.
3. Never to watch the ARIAs again.
Yeah, just out of the corner of my eye while I was doing something else. Imagine if i had sat down and really absorbed them. could have caused myself some serious psychic damage.