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How would you keep bogans out of Melbourne?

Melbourne’s new Lord Mayor, Robert “local politics might be a bit easier” Doyle, wants to rid the Melbourne CBD of bogans.

An admirable goal (and surely a tacit show of support for getting rid of the Grand Prix), but easier said than done, and a task the Crikey team spent perhaps too much of our morning meeting discussing (in between scad-loads of Serious JournalismTM, of course).

It was suggested that perhaps you could dig a big ditch around the outskirts of the city on Friday morning, thus preventing bogans from descending on the city of a Friday night. Or possibly remove all the faux-Irish pubs.

Maybe Robert could patrol the city, administering fines for rat’s tails exceeding a certain length and bad tribal tattoos.

I’m open to more suggestions. How would you rid a city of bogans?

Disclaimer: The author owns a flannelette shirt and several Mötley Crüe albums.

UPDATE! Bogans hit back! 

5 Comments

  1. Eleri Harris
    Posted December 3, 2008 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    Ban the sale of pre-mixed drinks — particularly bundy and coke?

  2. kim
    Posted December 3, 2008 at 5:09 pm | Permalink

    This is a photo of Hawthorn supporters – where is the photo of the King St bogans?

  3. Ruth Brown
    Posted December 4, 2008 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    There are bogans south of the river too.

  4. Barking Gecko
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 12:11 am | Permalink

    Educate them.

    An educated Bogan is a contradiction in terms

    Costs money though, and finances will be – even with the good offices of Julia Gillard :D

  5. Barking Gecko
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 12:14 am | Permalink

    I meant to say “and finances will be tight – even with the good offices of Julia Gillard.”

    I could possibly do with a course or 2 myself.

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