All the trash that’s fit to print:
Hairy Angel HAS been kissed. It was all a lie! Britain’s Got Talent breakout Susan “Hairy Angel” Boyle says her claims to have never been kissed were a “joke”. Lame. Meanwhile, some columnists are calling shenanigans on the whole “ugly duckling” story. Come on guys: she IS ugly — you can’t fake that.
Denise Richards is selling her “fun bags”. No, quite literally, she is.
Li-Lo and Ellen present the most uncomfortable interview ever. So celebrity LUG Lindsay Lohan has broken up with Sam Ronson, and she appeared on Ellen to talk about it.
Mega. Awkward.
The musical we had to have. They’re making a Jade Goody musical. Natch. I look forward to seeing the whole Shilpa Shetty debacle recreated with jazz hands, chorus lines and double entendres.
William H. Macy wants to spank unkempt boys. His advice for losing your virginity at prom:
I would say dance, and learn how to dress. I see these young guys who walk into a formal gathering and they haven’t shaved and they have a baseball hat on, I just want to take them outside and spank them. It is so rude. I can’t stand the guys that do that.
GOOP-watch. Last week’s GOOP caused quite the stir, with speculation over who Gwyneth’s “frenemy” might be. Many are speculating that it’s Winona Ryder. Huh, if so, that totally went over our heads. We will endeavour to be more in-tune to Gwyneth’s passive aggressiveness in future.
This week, Gwynnie makes antipasti, including the most boring bruschetta on earth (bread, oil garlic) which comes close to steamed peas for sheer irrelevency. Remind me next week to share my killer recipe for a Vegemite sandwich.
It looks like she may have hired a food stylist (or a new one), with some rather exaggerated flourishes added to the images to make them look more appealing. Case in point: her very special recipe for slow-roasted tomatoes (put some oil on tomatoes and roast them. Slowly.) features poached eggs rather more prominently than the boring dish in question.
Anyway, we didn’t pick up on any subtle bitchy swipes at her celebrity friends in this edition, though it’s possible that the artichokes really represent Sharon Stone.
