The fabulous Friday trash wrap: Susan Boyle too big for boots?

by Crikey intern Nicola Heath

Boyle too big for boots? Interweb sensation and Britian’s Got Talent contestant Susan Boyle has shocked fans around the world by going “berserk” in the lobby of a North London hotel. Goaded by two strangers, SuBo “was heard to roar: “How f***ing dare you! You can’t f***ing talk to me like that.” SuBo wellwishers worldwide eagerly await the next crack to appear in the Hairy Angel exterior — surely not far away.

Jessica makes the most of her assets. Meanwhile the Fug Girls give Jessica Simpson props for managing to embrace both the tabloid media’s obsession with the starlet’s weight AND her penchant for reality TV into her next career venture. Jessica will be travelling the world examining body-image issues in her new television show — better, the Fug Girls say, than “going on a Lohan-style bender or resorting to a diet of lemon juice and Playboy spreads.”

Time to go Bradless! Jennifer Aniston’s friends have told her to cut Brad Pitt out of her life — and not a moment too soon. Courtney Cox says the text messages have to stop! Eleven children into his new relationship one wonders what exactly he is doing in his ex-wife’s life, but still it remains good advice.

This week’s GOOP takes a sombre turn, and asks:

Have you ever loved somebody who drinks until their usually charming personality is usurped by a monster? Or discovered that someone you adore is throwing up after every meal? Or wondered if you are stuck in a feedback loop of tension and unrest because you need the adrenaline of stress to function? How do we become enslaved by addiction? What is addiction?

Gwynnie’s roster of “sages” she recruits to dole out advice (presumably — I couldn’t bring myself to read it) covers all bases — a Kabbalah devotee, a Zen Master, an Episcopal priest, a psychologist, the Shaikh of the Mevlevi Order (look up Sufism) and Deeprak Chopra — who is President of the Alliance for New Humanity.