During this morning’s editorial meeting we accidentally found out that had First Dog on The Moon been born a girl, his name would not, of course, be Handsome Mr Dog, it would be:
Penelope.
We also discovered he was a Catholic surprise baby.
This all turned into a fun game of:
What Would You Be Called If You Were Born a Boy/Girl?
Editor Green doesn’t know. He did tell us he was “born dead” though. We told him to call his mum.
Incidentally, this is what Green would’ve looked like had he turned out to be a girl baby:
Crook also doesn’t know. He does, however, know that he was born “on drugs” and spent the first few days of his life fascinated by the tennis ball moving back and forth across the Wimbledon court on the TV in front of him.
Brown kicked so much in the womb that her family were convinced she was a boy and they were going to call her Robert. Which proves the nature v nurture theory (she’s a kickboxer people). Bob for short. Or we may have made that bit up.
Jamieson also doesn’t know. She says her mum tells her the first ten years of her life “are a blur”. Amber’s dad wanted her to be called Wistari. That’s the name of a reef off Heron Island, the island on which Amber was conceived. Hopefully not actually on the reef. Too much information? Perhaps. Amber’s sister Tenaya was named after a lake in Yosemite National Park. Amber was jibbed.
Black — Marcus, or Benjamin. And the next name on the list after Sophie? Disturbingly — Morag.
Leigh is pretty sure he would’ve been called Leigh.
Mick the subbie? Elizabeth. Which suits him, oddly enough.
Do you know what you would’ve been called had your chromosomes rearranged themselves into the opposite sex?
17 Comments
I believe the next female name in line for me was Deborah.
I would have been Melanie. In fact, for the first three days of my life, that was the ONLY name my parents had picked.
I was going to be Naomi.
If I were a boy I would have been Seamus. My brother has the best would-of-been name though: Finnbar. His name is Sam
If I were born I boy, my name would have been Tristan-David. Which seems overly complex and would have been extremely annoying when filling out forms.
Though my parents were hell bent on calling me “Phillipa” because they could shorten that to “Pip” and they thought that was funny. When I came out though, they called me Peta for no particular reason other than that I ‘looked like one’… Hmmm. Not sure how to interpret that.
@RuthBrown – Debbie? You’d have been Deb? The Debster? Heh.
From the depths of the Crikey Ad Dept…..
I don’t know what my boy name would have been, however I do have a bit of a story about Brielie-Jean…
I was unnamed for the first 2 weeks of my life. The cards and teddy bears were addressed to “the baby”, “your new bundle of joy” and “the kid with no name”.
For names, Mum wanted Bree (as in, the cheese), and Dad wanted Kylie. They decided to mash it up and make up Brielie (in the process inventing spelling that no-one in the world could pronounce successfully ever). Then came some family politicking about being named after various grandmothers, so Jean was hyphenated to form my first name.
I’m the only Brielie-Jean in the world! I usually introduce myself as ‘Brielie, rhymes with Kylie..’.
And yes, before you crazy witty people jump in, i HAVE heard all the Billie-Jean/’you know what BJ stands for’ jokes, hilarious as they are…
I was going to be Gerard, after St Gerard Majella.
My twin and I would have been Jesse and Daniel had we been boys. Glad to not be a Daniel, tho no offence to any out there.
As my mother’s favourite name for a boy was Paul, that is what I would have been called. But I beat my brother, Paul by three years, and was called Carol as I was born rather close to Christmas!!
I was going to be the next best thing.
Leif. After Leif Ericson, the Viking who found America. Bloody glad Dad only got to name the boys. My poor sister would have been a Sven.
I was born very prematurely. My mum was left in charge of the names.
If I were a boy I would have been known as Vivian. Notwithstanding that Viv Richards and Vyv of the Young Ones were kind of cool growing up, I think there but by the grace of chromosomes I go.
As for my actual name, when my dad found out what my mum had named me he reportedly said, “That’s pretentious. I’m not calling her that.” So they don’t – ever. Not even when I’m ‘in trouble’. I get the abbreviated version instead. This led to some taunting in the primary school playground. Think nursery rhymes, except that I am the opposite gender from the name in the rhyme… For a time, it was confusing.
My son was called Sputnik (First satellite launched and we already knew a Yuri…) till we decided on a name.
He eventually got a granny approved one, but he still answers to ‘Sput’
I was going to be Ms Pastry
The boy name-in-waiting for both my sister and I was ‘Hal’. Apparently NOT after Hal in 2001: A Space Odyssey, but we don’t believe them.
PS When I was young and mean I used to taunt my sister by saying she was found in a ditch by the side of the road and that her real name was Penelope. She still doesn’t like me calling her Penelope.