I have been lied to. Apparently someone on the internet has misrepresented not only themselves but this innocent dog.

I have received this email from Satan:

Hey Dawg,

Good to see you liked the portrait of Tyson and the rest of the family.

Best evaah!

I didn’t think you’d actually post it, but now that it’s up I should tell you I nicked it from a site called awkwardfamilyphotos.com (in case someone claims plagiarism or murdoch-style kleptomania).

I like the peace symbol on the trousers and the baby’s hand on the trigger.

I also loved ‘political correctness’ making custard. Do all abstract concepts made flesh have cute underbites?

So called “Chris”

Not only am I in shock, hurt and dismayed but also in shock. I suppose, due diligence and the internet and so on but who has the time to check for FRAUDULENT PET PHOTOS what kind of sick weirdo does that?! Now the donations from this blog will stop flowing to the Home for Wayward Lonely Urchins Who Are Hungry And Sad and it is your fault INTERNET CHARLATAN.

So that is it really, no more pets for you! Lying liars who lie!

I want the boys who did this to come and see me after assembly. You may think this is hilarious but it is not.

This is hilarious.

King Noodle

[Previous now not true post]

I love this photo.

I love that these creatures are all in the tub together. With a pink gun.

I don’t understand.

We mean you no harm

No really, I haven’t blogged in ages. I had the flu for a bit, and I was doing a video for Q and A which took three days! They normally only take one day. Whew!

Then there was the football – and we know how that went.

And then I did the Andrew Robb cartoon which (IMHO) was one of my best in ages and I always get a bit thingy after something like that.

And nobody liked the ant one. Bastards.

But people are still sending pet photos which is nice. It did get a bit weird there for a while. I will get round to them all eventually.

I am thinking of calling the next pet post “People too unstable to own pets, and their pets”. Which is hilarious. I am so funny.

It is actually a quote from a commenter but I can’t remember who.

Anyway.

I have been sent this photo by someone claiming to be “Alan”, it is of an angry monkey and has clearly been photoshopped.

If you look at it from this angle it is even more obvious that it is some kind of upside down angry monster bat ape confounded by its own reflection.

Meanwhile some other more disturbing images have been discovered.

Hilarious? No! The world is in terrible danger!

And this is fiendish! Which one is Keir Dullea? Which one is Hypo the creature from the crawlspace?

And this just in, I have been contacted by someone I made up who is going to send me one of the brand new GIANT RATS from an inactive volcano in Papua New Guinea! This is the GIANT BOSAVI WOOLLY RAT – it is possibly the BIGGEST RAT ON EARTH and it is my new best friend.

Hang on, I'm coming!

And then there was also this.

Is it you? It is you!

So take all your tame furry drug addicted failures to Domesticated Losers Anonymous and leave us alone. The World’s Biggest Rat and I would like to ask the media and the public to let us have some privacy at this difficult time.

First Dog On the Moon, walking the walk…

Jesus wept! I just give and give until I have nothing left, and still you vultures demand more!

So here is a picture of a coconut macaroon. Are you happy now?

It has come to this