The true truth about #lovelyoptus

I have created some hoohah. (Although it is only Twitter hoohah so I mean really, huh?) But anyway, here is how I hoohahed.

In this post here, I complained bitterly about how awful Optus customer service is. And their network. And their billing system. ALL TRUE!

I also drew an hilarious cartoon about it. Ha ha. You can even see some of it here at #badoptus.

Before I drew the cartoon I called Optus to speak to their Media section to tell them about the cartoon and to complain in general about how crap they were. 

Of course I called to speak to the Media section but I got put through to something called “customer relations”. This only became apparent later. I suggested that I was a kind of journalist *ahem*, or at least that Crikey was a reputable media outlet and that the benefit of being a cartoonist was that i could just MAKE STUFF UP and that optus were so awful that I DIDN’T HAVE TO.

The lovely Optus guy said someone would have to call me back. Of course they didn’t, not until the cartoon was published.

When they did get back to me they offered me an “account manager” because I have six (SIX ) 6 services with Optus. They said that I should have had an account manager all along but the system did not flag me as eligible because it is made out of dried goat poop and dental floss which has been fished out of a dumpster.

THEY DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE CARTOON WHEN THEY CALLED TO OFFER ACCOUNT MANAGEMENT. This is the key point. Also, they were not the media department, or marketing, just the poor customer service hacks.

Of course they may be fibbing, but I doubt it. That would require cunning and organisation and Optus lacks anything even vaguely resembling these things. So it was a coincidence. Ooooohhhh a coooiiiinnncciiiddeeeeeennnnccee. Yes, a coincidence thank you very much and I don’t appreciate your tone at all.

Anyway….. I now have an account manager, her name is Michelle and she is A TOTAL LEGEND. She has consolidated my mobile accounts, made recommendations about my landline, apologised for the 3g network and laughed at my jokes. GOLD! If I want to speak to her I just have to sms or email and she will call me back GUARANTEED within 48 hours! True. ZOMG!

It makes all the difference when you have someone dedicated to speak to you, someone who knows the systems and can navigate them for you. This is in fact the job of EVERY customer service person at optus but they are incapable of doing this because the systems are made of sticks and dirt and I think occasionally they hire Bighorn Sheep or yoghurt instead of people but I cannot prove that.

Michelle is none of these things, she is competent and fixes things. So it should really be #lovelymichellefromcustomerrelationsatoptus but no.

Of course it could all change tomorrow. But in the mean time….