I have been sent this photo by someone claiming to be “Alan”, it is of an angry monkey and has clearly been photoshopped.
If you look at it from this angle it is even more obvious that it is some kind of upside down angry monster bat ape confounded by its own reflection.
Meanwhile some other more disturbing images have been discovered.
Hilarious? No! The world is in terrible danger!
And this is fiendish! Which one is Keir Dullea? Which one is Hypo the creature from the crawlspace?
And this just in, I have been contacted by someone I made up who is going to send me one of the brand new GIANT RATS from an inactive volcano in Papua New Guinea! This is the GIANT BOSAVI WOOLLY RAT – it is possibly the BIGGEST RAT ON EARTH and it is my new best friend.
Hang on, I'm coming!
And then there was also this.
Is it you? It is you!
So take all your tame furry drug addicted failures to Domesticated Losers Anonymous and leave us alone. The World’s Biggest Rat and I would like to ask the media and the public to let us have some privacy at this difficult time.
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The expression worn by Alan the angry feline is the same one I saw today in Question Time. It was on the Member for Sturt’s face when he looked at the Deputy PM. What a cranky puss he is! (Mr Pyne)
All debts are paid, the fatwa is called off – the sunyata radiating from Hanu’s eyes has finally been shared with the world. I forgive your attempts at (envious) jocularity and touch your feet.
Yayyyyy!
Is that it? One bloody cat?
Very good FD.
So when are we going to see the caged death match, between Alan’s “angry monkey” and that cuddly little rodent?
Alan, FD is using my X-Russian Blue moggie, Natasha, to deceive you into calling off your dogs and ending your fatwa against him. The sunyata you think you see ‘radiating’ from the eyes of Hanu is, in fact, not emptiness but her yearning for privacy from the cameras of the dogged papparazzi.
Friends, I have communed with Hanu and he assures me that on the first existential evidence of deceit by First Dog he will immediately re-institute a ‘catwa’ (feline fatwa) on said dog. Meantime I respect FD’s wishes for privacy on his discovery of a bigger rat. Love youse.
You ungrateful wretches!
paparazzi*…’catwa’ truly inspired…
Who died and made alanjohnston head mullah? the catwa remains……I suggest FD ring Salman Rushdie for some tips on living in a cupboard for the next ten years.
feels like teen schism to me…
My dog Marli wrote to you WEEKS ago to celebrate the arrival of hairy BOB in your weird cartoonland. And has she heard back? No. Has she featured in your pet blog? No. Way to RIP OUT HER HEART. You are in SO much trouble. Big interesting rat or not.
Much angst it seems from jilted pet lovers – of which I was one until recently. FD – I read Bernard’s recent whiney excuse for having a typo in his Fielding excoriation – namely, understaffed, overworked, Crikey is run by three men and a dog/man etc. This must apply across the board.
So have you thought about subcontracting the pet photo sub-section of your blog out to, say, Steven Fielding? The humour would in a sense, occur natively. Quick course in Photoshop for the disabled…. no worries. Flick pass the catwa, more time to contemplate the Crows beating the Bulldogs in the GF.
To be fair, the rat is exceptionally cute.
I can see tensions have continued to simmer since I posted yesterday…I have the perfect solution for everyone…the owner of the most photogenic pet should get the gig…of course, this would leave dog owners out of the running…I admit I am biased, and even though cats look at you with hatred in their eyes when a camera is involved they most scrumdiddliumptious…
…they are the most…(sorry trying to do two things at once)
Look, cats spend their whole lives wishing they were big enough to kill you and eat you and leave your scattered bones for the hyenas, which must be hanging around here somewhere. Photogenic doesn’t enter into it. Nor does scrumdiddlybloodyumptious.
[whispers] help…we haven’t got much time…we are being held hostage by our cats…they are forcing us to spread propaganda about dogs…they have also have demands…one packet of Purina One, new litter in their litter tray, that saucer of cream that we promised Mistress Smudge and a date with Alan’s moggie…
…they also have*…(hard to write when it’s dark…they are holding us under the wardrobe…)
FDOTM what do you make of this?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6154750/Injured-turtle-fitted-with-furniture-coasters.html
Dear Durutticolumn, there are in fact TWO cats featured in the epistle above, Alan’s and my dear sweet kitty, who will one day devour me as a I sleep and leave my bones for the local hyena gang. Of this I have no doubt. My Handsome Grey Beast is also a Russian blue cross, hence the confusion, but mine is the one that looks more like Keir Dullea.
Ah…it’s your kitty hiding under the bed clothes suffering severe aphephobia developed after being cruelly mistaken for Alan’s moggie…don’t worry acannon’s handsome grey beast, we will include therapy in our list of demands as well as mediation with the impostor…
MOGGIE! He’s a blue Burmese darling.
Please alanjohnston, I did not denigrate your blue Burmese’s ethnic heritage, I am neither speciest nor racist…unlike my militant felines…shades of “cats’ legs good…dog legs bad” down here…as the China and I said before…HELP!