Enough! You are all parasites.
We start with Eloise and her deranged, anthropomorphised over-bred hounds. Or perhaps it is just one monstrously mutated two-headed dog covered up by a cheap polyester duvet from Target.
Half of Africa didn't have breakfast, but I put my ugly spaniels under the doona
Suddenly they are launched into Hyperspace where cryogenically frozen Walt Disney tries to fiddle with them.
Help, help. The father of Modern Animation is trying to have his way with me
This one is also Walt Disney Magic up the arse – ooh look, I am a clever graffiti cat! Oh no, the local council has stapled me to a wall
Meanwhile…
And the horror continues…
An ugly garden decoration
32 Comments
Good dog good dog, oh yes you are!
Note: there will be NO scratching… anywhere!
Yes…that’s it…come and sit closer to me FD…we are all comrades here…
You have the greatest job in the world.
btfw the reference to syringomyelia is a bit below the belt even for you…
I read elsewhere that this man claims to be paid for the egregious and continued attack on cats featured in this page.
I am disappointed by the tone of comments from the likes of Joal who is pandering to Mr FD’s obvious insanity in the pathetic hope that his/her pet may be featured.
. Chinadog is the worst sort of quisling and come the revolution will be lucky to escape with just a shaved head the usual punishment for what the French call collaboration horizontale
FD is clearly off the chain and must be stopped. How much longer must we sit and watch our pets belittled and abused at the hands of this man? (Dog?)
There is no need to resort to sexism and name calling, Durrutticolum. I am no femme moderne, and am not responsbile for FD’s continued childishness (oops…made a fox’s paw). You have blown my cover, in reality I was in the process of the thought reformation of FD’s Giant Bosavi Rat, in order to persuade him to star in Valkyrie II.
btw, Durrutticolumn, do not kick us when we are down…we are suffering from the (cat) flu…evil wretches are using germ warfare now…
Yes! Fame undreamed! Marli has celebrated her loss of blog virginity by stealing one of my First Dog socks and repairing to the garden for a chew. She was hoping to be flung into hyperspace with a bad tempered cartoonist, but hey. And doesn’t the lawn look lovely just there? Stapled cat ha ha good.
The cat stapled to the wall looks remarkably like Khan, my Burmese Cross, AKA Boy Cat,(genus Cattus puer; ROFL@M…oh, I have been waiting for this moment all my life: ‘no pun intended’)…when, oh, when, will FD cease torturing me with flashbacks to the days when my cats were part of the proletariat…
U get no sympathy from me Chinadog yr contributions are bordering on incomprehensible I can’t see y u so excited at the picture of your cat stapled to a wall U r one sick puppy.
Well, nah, ne, nah, nah, nah, I have read over my posts and see the you’re correct…maybe I should stay in until this plague passes…btw my posts may be incomprehensible at the moment but at least I don’t resort to text speak to prove a point ;P
that*
Now after my Bex and a good lie down, I wish to raise a few points with you, regarding my post @ 2:13pm. If you look closely Durrutti, you will see that the cat mentioned is not real but a still life rendition of a black cat not unlike my own…Cattus puer is Boy Cat translated from Latin…Cattus=cat, puer=boy but also sounds like ‘purr’ therefore ‘no pun intended’…ROFL@M=Rolling On the Floor Laughing At Myself…due to my long-lived dream of actually making a pun…and proletariat=lower working class of which my cats were members until the ‘catwa’…are we clear now…
I love cats
Mwoah!
Chinadog Re text speak I lol btw I didn’t know what rolf meant until you translated Good to see you back on yr meds
Mwoah to you, too.
Whoohooo Charlie Girl made it!!! Run away from Walt sweetie. Cheers fdotm!
Whooohooo run away from Ben Charlie Girl this person obviously too unstable to own a pet.
Charlie Girl was my column of stabiity Duratti. We had the absolute joy of her company for 12 years but unfortunately she passed away earlier this year. I still get sad when I have to put the dinner scraps in the bin, Charlie would have loved them.
My sympathies Ben,
Durutticolumn would not conciously deride your loss of Charlie Girl had he known about the circumstances. Durruticolumn is a person who likes to joust on this blog but is in no means cruel. I know what it is like to lose a furry loved one and the hole it leaves in your life, and I know, with time, it will hurt less.
Love to you (and mwoah)
Chinadog
Hi China Dog,
It’s ok. I did not take duratti’s comments as mean or cruel. I have seen duratti’s comments before.
“I know what it is like to lose a furry loved one and the hole it leaves in your life”
Just out of curiousity how did you (or anyone here) go about filling that hole? Did you go with the same breed? Or just go to the pound?
Cheers
Ben
Dear Ben,
I was lucky enough to have other furry friends to help fill that hole but I will always remember my best friend. I think if you have the room in your life to love another…it is a great thing to go to the RSPCA or another refuge for animals after thinking carefully about the type of dog that would most suit you and your lifestyle. The RSPCA has a few things that would set you in the right direction on their website and all the dogs they have ‘for sale’ are companion tested. About getting the same breed, that is your choice if you feel it would make grieving easier.
Hope this helps,
Chinadog
Marli up there, the ugly garden ornament, is the first dog we’ve ever owned. It took my kids about 14 years of nagging to wear us down. I used to roll my eyes when people talked about spending $4000 getting a tumour removed from their Labrador… it’s a dog, just a dog! But now I understand. I work from home, and Marli is pretty much sleeping at my feet (or on them) right through the day, unless I get up for lunch or the postie, when she’ll follow me out to wherever in the faint hope I’m planning to take her for a walk or chase her around the backyard or hand over a random chicken neck or two. A sweet dog is a sweet dog, Ben, and losing her must be horrible. So, hugs.
That said, I still think all cats should be shot and their grieving owners cheered up with a puppy.
Hey, let’s not spoil the love with another catwa.
Folks we need to pull ourselves together here. I can’t take much more of this unalloyed grief. I know the pain. I have buried more pets than a man should have to..
FD is now alone and grieving the departure of his bulldog and if things go the way I think they will only the Cats will survive.
But re previous posts i am sure there are help lines u can call
Your latest post disappoints me. You really are full of it aren’t you? I am sorry I came to your defence. You and FD are obviously d!ckheads and deserve each other. Compassion has a middle name and it’s not yours.
Hi FirstDog
Your column/cartoon/blog (or whatever it is you call it) is often my first laugh of the day (and that’s usually after dinner). BUT …. where are the lovely photos I sent you of my photogenic and utterly charming felines?
Hello animal lovers. I just wanted to point out that the stapled cat photo is in fact a genuine action shot of the gorgeous anarchist Cheeky, mid-leap and real-life (she’s chasing something further up the wall). I’d encourage you not to defame her achievements or she might come tag your place. She’s like that.
Dear Moira, I can see from your message that you are new here. Heartfelt pleas for 20 seconds of fame for your beloved pet will fall on FD’s deaf ears. he is a heartless tyrant. We all suffer here under his yoke. The next you see of your pet will be in some horrifying pose and presented for all the world to laugh at. My cat is still under the wardrobe afer her treatment at the hands of Fd.
I’ve been lax re attending this column, and I have to say how much I lurve graffiti cat. So slim, so elegant. I showed it to the portly Walnut-a previous star of your column-and now she’s had a hissy fit and is hiding in a cupboard.
CRISPY: You know what you can do with your anti-cat statement don’t you? Yah, put it up where the sun don’t shine!
CHINA DOG: You are so right. My cats have all been ones which no one wanted, or from the RSPCA. And unless one is a breeder I don’t see the point of getting a stud animal.