That may seem improbable, given that the Facebook lads are fairly on the ball when it comes to removing objectionable content, but the the evidence is readily available. Just look at the number of “fan pages” out there dedicated to activities that could only appeal to Phascolarctos Cinereus (Vulgaris).

You can spot the Koala-made fan pages by their lack of respect for one’s elders (nan planking). In fact, there are a host of pages where “Nan’s” antics continue in a vein so reckless, irresponsible, and void of dignity that the only logical explanation can be Koala involvement.

No Wallaby grandmother would behave in such a disgraceful fashion! (Platypus grandmothers are too busy listening to Perry Como CDs, Bandicoots die of drug overdoses long before becoming grandparents, and Dingoes as a rule are too stupid to use the internet.)

These reckless Koala grannies may look cute at first (beatboxing with nan), but repeated exposure to their queue-barging (get out of the way—link contains strong language), foul-mouthed (librarian abuse—link contains strong language) antics begins to wear a bit thin.

Any sort of criticism or attempt to censure their actions is met with accusations of jealousy, which is preposterous. No one in their right mind would want to emulate such flagrant disrespect for authority. Such antics can only lead to a bad end (at the police station—link contains strong language).

These groups may not involve nudity, but they’re certainly offensive — in fact, I find it offensive that Koalas are allowed on Facebook at all. Needless to say, the on-again, off-again monitoring policies of Facebook staff have led to little or no action being taken.

Am I the only one concerned about the kind of twisted influence that filth like this exerts on our nation’s youth? In fact, I may need to launch an investigation to determine just how much damage has been done.

It won’t be easy, pretending to be an underage girl on Facebook looking for hot Kangaroo action, exchanging lurid messages with Koalas, and arranging for deviant Quolls to meet me in the public toilets, but it’s the only hope we have of salvaging our country’s moral purity. I’d better get started.

@RacistWallaby is a concerned citizen who can be found on Twitter, sharing his ideas to improve the country.