It took me ages to see it.

What a clever beast.

I am not hiding, I am merely treating you with disdain.

This photo was taken by some lovely people at La Trobe University.

I have created some hoohah. (Although it is only Twitter hoohah so I mean really, huh?) But anyway, here is how I hoohahed.

In this post here, I complained bitterly about how awful Optus customer service is. And their network. And their billing system. ALL TRUE!

I also drew an hilarious cartoon about it. Ha ha. You can even see some of it here at #badoptus.

Before I drew the cartoon I called Optus to speak to their Media section to tell them about the cartoon and to complain in general about how crap they were. 

Of course I called to speak to the Media section but I got put through to something called “customer relations”. This only became apparent later. I suggested that I was a kind of journalist *ahem*, or at least that Crikey was a reputable media outlet and that the benefit of being a cartoonist was that i could just MAKE STUFF UP and that optus were so awful that I DIDN’T HAVE TO.

The lovely Optus guy said someone would have to call me back. Of course they didn’t, not until the cartoon was published.

When they did get back to me they offered me an “account manager” because I have six (SIX ) 6 services with Optus. They said that I should have had an account manager all along but the system did not flag me as eligible because it is made out of dried goat poop and dental floss which has been fished out of a dumpster.

THEY DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE CARTOON WHEN THEY CALLED TO OFFER ACCOUNT MANAGEMENT. This is the key point. Also, they were not the media department, or marketing, just the poor customer service hacks.

Of course they may be fibbing, but I doubt it. That would require cunning and organisation and Optus lacks anything even vaguely resembling these things. So it was a coincidence. Ooooohhhh a coooiiiinnncciiiddeeeeeennnnccee. Yes, a coincidence thank you very much and I don’t appreciate your tone at all.

Anyway….. I now have an account manager, her name is Michelle and she is A TOTAL LEGEND. She has consolidated my mobile accounts, made recommendations about my landline, apologised for the 3g network and laughed at my jokes. GOLD! If I want to speak to her I just have to sms or email and she will call me back GUARANTEED within 48 hours! True. ZOMG!

It makes all the difference when you have someone dedicated to speak to you, someone who knows the systems and can navigate them for you. This is in fact the job of EVERY customer service person at optus but they are incapable of doing this because the systems are made of sticks and dirt and I think occasionally they hire Bighorn Sheep or yoghurt instead of people but I cannot prove that.

Michelle is none of these things, she is competent and fixes things. So it should really be #lovelymichellefromcustomerrelationsatoptus but no.

Of course it could all change tomorrow. But in the mean time….

This is exciting. Well, I am excited. You might not be. You might be indifferent or even reading this while you are asleep.

Its little tongue is sticking out!!!

We have opened our firstdogonthemoon @ the house of crikey via redbubble, shop.

It is here:

http://crikeyshop.redbubble.com/

There are only a few images in there at the moment, lovely though they are. However, what you can expect in the future is that any ANY firstdogonthemoon cartoon EVER DRAWN can be lovingly placed on a t-shirt by the magical shirt ponies at redbubble and purchased by you.

A grateful nation weeps.

Obviously, as there are 15 billion firstdogonthemoon cartoons in existence we cannot put them all in the shop at once.

But it works this way……If there is a particular cartoon you would like on a shirt, and of course you do, you can email me (firstdog@crikey.com.au) and I will bung it in the shop. I can even do individual frames from cartoons as I am both flexible, talented and a generous soul.

Over time all of the various popular cartoons will go in there, but that could take a long time as I am busy helping orphaned baby elephants like the one above having a nap in my garden shed. (That is not true, but wouldn’t that be a nice way to be busy).

A multiple choice questionnaire:

Entirely

Totally

Totally Entirely

Mostly Totally

Mostly sort of Entirely

Sandwich

I don’t like it (and expect to get my comment to be edited accordingly).

Just you wait until the new all singing all dancing all t-shirts all the time First Dog On The Moon interactive multimedia gallery arrives as well!

Just you wait.

There is another animal of the day! Oh my goodness! They are here and they have a daily email which gets sent every now and then but certainly not every day. Like First Blog On The Moon, they are nominatively and determinedly inaccurate. There is simply not an animal every day.

They are however, a joyous crew of animal enthusiasts, and here is a most recent completely unedited example of their work.

From the Other Animal of the Day – The Himalayan Tahr – The Rubber Footed Wonder

The Himalayan Tahr (Hemitragus jemlahicus) is an animal that is classed as “Near Threatened” and is expected to become a threatened or vulnerable species in a few years except in New Zealand where there are absolutely heaps of them. They commonly have a small head, large eyes, and pointed small ears and in spite of this, they are not Christopher Pyne. Their hooves are well adapted to climbing rocks, mountains, and hills, and have a special footly adaptation with a flexible rubber-like core which lets them grab onto smooth rocks – and also wedge into sharp areas with the rim of the hoof. They can manipulate complex tools like sea otters, white winged choughs and claw hammers. In New Zealand they are sponsored by Hyundai. 

They weigh between 130-180kg and are about 1.2 – 1.6m in length and are 60-90 cm high. So they are more along than they are upwards which is a useful attribute when you live on a mountain. Their diets consist of shrubs, small plants, and small trees. They usually gestate for six months but then doesn’t everyone. The baby Tahrs (known as goslings) stick with their mother for up to two years, and can live to be 15 years of age. They can also fly.

Recent DNA evidence and genetic testing has shown that the three types of Tahr may not be related as closely as once figured, with the Himalayan Tahr being left in its own Genus, and the other two species moved to their own genera, which they did by borrowing a friend’s station wagon and getting an exboyfriend to help them shift all their stuff. I am so glad someone worries about this Genuses and that Genera and so on, and also glad that it is not me. This species of Tahr has been inadvertently introduced to habitats that it is not originally from (concealed in a pot plant), and a feral population in the South Island in the country of New Zealand, has become a particular pest, bro. Feral herds (FERAL HERDS) have been reported to cause damage to natural habitats due to their nature of browsing in video shops and eating many of the local vegetation that would otherwise be used by the native population of animals and Peter Jackson.

The Binomial name and species of the Himalayan Tahr is Hemitragus jemlahicus (gesundheit), with it being the sole member of its Genus Hemitragus. Hemitragus belongs to the Subfamily of Caprinae within the Tribe Caprini. In the Caprini Tribe the wild goat, domestic goat, domestic sheep, and the other members all voted the Himalayan Tahr off the island. Within the Subfamily it is related to the Musk ox, and takin of the Ovibovini Tribe, and the serows, gorals, mountain goats, and chamois of the Naemorhedini Tribe. Caprinae belongs to the Family Bovidae which are called the bovids. Time to shut up about that now.

Interesting Facts about the Himalayan Tahr 

The Himalayan Tahr has become such a pest in New Zealand that it is legal and encouraged to hunt them. There are still not many of them anywhere else.

A Himalayan Tahr inadvertently appeared in Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. 

http://www.moviemistakes.com/film2638/page6/HimalayanTahr

Boring Facts about the Himalayan Tahr 

They are sort of  brown.

They have four legs.

They breathe air.

They may or may not float, I do not know if they can swim.

Sloths can swim though, sloths are excellent swimmers.