If you were on twitter late last night, your feed may have been tantalisingly (and confusingly) peppered with such bon mots as: Â â€˜She smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding; and he is the spoon, the whipped cream, the helpless dollop of custard,’ or ‘His body impinged upon hers, and he was stroking her here… and there… and there and there and there’, orÂ â€˜My cock was barely a ghost, but I did not suffer panic,â€™ or ‘She had had three boyfriends since university… none had shown any particular interest in her chrysanthemum.’
The shortlist for the Literary Review’s 20th annualÂ Bad Sex Awards were announced last night, and the nominees are:
- The Yips by Nicola Barker
- The Adventuress by Nicholas Coleridge
- Infrared by Nancy Huston
- Rare Earth by Paul Mason
- Noughties by Ben Masters
- The Quiddity of Will Self by Sam Mills
- The Divine Comedy by Craig Raine
- Back to Blood by Tom Wolfe
The awards are for literary fiction that includes â€˜crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel,â€™Â rather than pornographic or expressly erotic fiction, so if youâ€™re wondering why the worst example of erotic writing youâ€™ve read in a while is absent, (yes Iâ€™m looking at you E.L. James) wonder no more.
The winner of what has been dubbed â€˜Britainâ€™s most dreaded literary prizeâ€™ will be announced on Tuesday 4 December 2012.