In his continuing quest for relevance, Andrew Bolt went blogbaiting yesterday. It was the usual wingnut bingo board – ABC, Crikey, leftist conspiracies, Jonathan Green, Eric Beecher, Annabel Crabb – the typical sort of content diversity that we’ve all come to expect from that end of the online swamp.
I’m usually spared this sort of third rate “Look at me!” piffle because our previous run ins have never ended particularly well for one us – but yesterday I too was roped into the latest dramaverse of Boltworld. Well, I was for a while, then I wasn’t, and then I was again! … but we’ll get to that bit of internet courage in a minute.
Andrew Bolt is actually a victim.
No, no, no, no… not a victim of conservative affirmative action that gets him the “lonely chair” on Insiders – a sort of special policy for special people – us idiots that watch the show are the true victims of that pernicious little act of ABC cowardice.
Uh uh. Andrew, you see, is a “victim” of terrible, gratuitous online insults that cause immeasurable hurt! You’ve got that arseclowns? It causes immeasurable hurt! But more shocking than that, if it’s even humanly possible to imagine something more shocking than being called names online by anonymous people, is that he’s the victim of rather unusual violent threats against his personal safety and that of his sphincter.
Andrew writes about your humble marsupial “one of [Jonathan] Green’s writers has urged in a headline that I be ‘sodomised’ “ – referring of course to this little number from wayback, where keeping with the theme, he had his arse handed to him on a plate*
*Note to Andrew Bolt: I didn’t literally carve a chunk of your arse off and give it to you on a piece of fine China… just so we’re clear here and before you start wondering whether that’s why your jeans don’t quite fit properly anymore – it’s a metaphor.
The dramaverse of Andrew Bolt is so intense – and so extreme is the victimhood involved – that he apparently, in all honesty (who am I to question him), believed that particular piece “urged” people, *urged people* no less, to go out and stick calculators up his bum!
I imagine it made for some horrifically paranoid trips to the local Office Works – “is that bloke with the calculator a Pollytics reader”. Oh the humanity!
Now, apart from the spatial difficulties involved – with that particular area usually being filled by a head– what sort of drama queen actually envisages a world where people would chase him down the street, favourite Casio in hand, with the intent of unleashing unspeakable acts of deviancy and the odd long division?
Yes folks – it’s my solemn duty to inform you that we have reached Peak Wingnut.
But it gets even more pathetic, as all did not go well at Blog Bolt yesterday on this. Originally, the Bolt piece in question looks much as is does now – linking into my article with the word “sodomised”. So I thought I’d get up to a bit of mischief and added the following as an update at the very top of that post, guaranteeing that it would be the very first thing his readers would see as they came in from the link. If Bolt was going to be, well… his usual self, the least I could do was have a bit of fun.
To Bolt’s readers – let us hope that you’re a little sharper than the author of the site from whence you came, understanding both a well known political meme when you see one, and the importance of empirical reality guiding political commentary. If you can also manage to leave your dramaqueens at the door and spare me the poor little victim bullshit, you’ll be four points up on Bolt himself.
Not too long after, Bolt’s article was changed – here’s a grab:
The link had mysteriously disappeared! Those links eh, minds of their own sometimes. Particularly when things get a bit embarrassing.
I noted it on twitter at the time:
That caused much mirth around the traps – oh, how we all laughed… etc etc. Then, as the piss taking fallout was rapidly spreading across social media on the gutlessness of it all, you’ll never guess what happened.
The link miraculously re-appeared around 3:10 pm Qld time.
The whole thing is just 20 kinds of pathetic – to the stage where it’s starting to get utterly pointless to even joke about it these days.
On Monday, Bolt glowingly linked into a Sinclair Davidson piece (which I fully agree with BTW) on the nature of general internet and blog discussions, quoting this part in particular :
Some readers might baulk at my lofty descriptions of blogging vis-à-vis the rudeness, sarcasm and indecency that they may observe in the blogosphere. Indeed Catallaxyfiles where I blog is often singled out as being particularly nasty. Many of those making that claim, however, are social democrats who are simply not used to being challenged by articulate, educated and intelligent individuals. They live in world where disagreement with their ideals can only be due to corruption or stupidity.
To be fair, that isn’t the entire explanation. Blogging may be a conversation but it is not genteel. It is robust; it is frank. Just as markets can be a bazaar so a conversation can be a cacophony. It is well documented that individuals can be more aggressive online than in real life; but, on the flip side, they can also be more considered, more eloquent – and, with the ability to link to other sites on the web, they can back up their arguments with evidence.
So to reject the legitimacy of conversation on the basis of tone is to place form above substance.
Then on Tuesday, Bolt complains about his hurt feelings from the naughty bloggers and worries about people sticking calculators up his bum. It isn’t even farce anymore – it’s just pathetic. When serious media runs Bolt, they get in terms of audience quality exactly what they deserve – as they do with every other talking sock. If I see Bolt, I tune out – I can hear that shit anywhere.
And I’m not alone in thinking that.
It’s worth finishing with Annabel Crabb’s slapdown of Bolt on Insiders and now famous internet meme – The University of East Bumcrack:
If you’d like to join the University of East Bumcrack Alumni – buy a shirt. All proceeds go to Annabel’s nominated charity, the Mallala Hospital.
56 Comments
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Actually , come to think of it,the staff did look at me kinda funnily when I asked for “the bolta” calculator.
They asked me whether it had scientific functions, I replied it presumably only had bodily ones.
Love it!
“University of East Bumcrack” gets 1420 hits in Google.
LOL @Gusface
A Bolt calculator would be lucky to have basic arithmetic functions, and even then would likely give 5 as the answer to 2+2.
If it’s programmable.. it only accepts programmes written by the fossil fuel lobby (published by University of East Bumcrack).
Bolta’s got to be pushing one full Blair of hurt right about now.
If only that were true! I reckon there’s still a whole heap of Stupid to go before we get there.
Otherwise, well said.
There are always more reserves of Stupid to be found.
Tuckey sits on a large depoosit of stupid. The Liberal Party is the DeBeers of the stupid supply industry, it manages the supply of stupid to keep it at a premium and stockpiles it.
Stupid exploration is a boom industry.
There’s no need to explore for stupid, there’s great big lumps of it lying around all over the place.
Crabb got him riled up, but didn’t really provide what could be said to be a slap down.
Just as in Western saloons where gunslingers left their guns at the door (to ensure longer conversations), I see in the first still of the video that Bolt puts his balls on the shelf behind him. ABC policy no doubt. One is crystal, the other is brass. I think the long glass thingy is a calculator remover. And the vessel next to his head is possible Tim Blair’s brain.
Someone else had one brass ball…now who was it?
Go Possum! Best thing I’ve read all year. LOL? I actually did.
WHAT? The sodomising Bolt with a calculator thing was a JOKE?
I’d better stop looking for him, then. And I had my Casio nicely greased up and everything…
Andrew Bolt: a victim who squawks loudly against the ‘victim industry’ and a man who is never sorry but demands personal apologies.
I wonder how many have been unable to resist their urges?
Nice purple shirt AB is wearing. Was that interview done on June 3rd?
Bugger you FRANK CAMPBELL!!! I looked at it three times giggling because it was badly out of lip-synch, a second time to ponder ‘how it is that the people of Oz form a schizoid dichotomy: one half believes totally the crap dished out by the Bolta-God he’s ugly-and the other half knows him for the grotesque wanna be he is, and on principle refuse to believe him’. Oh, he does his research all right, he prints only the bits that agrees with him.
In the depths of despair I ran it again. Decided humour was the way to go. I thought the room furnishings we the result of trying to please everybody. Decided the ornaments looked like balls, scrolled down to print it. Only to find you’d beaten me to it.
Gold.
Venise: Jeez, thought you were gunna roger me with a calculator there for a minute Venise…anyway, The Victim will provide many more chances for jokes, unless he explodes in indignation first. The bang will no doubt cause stampedes, firstly away in terror, then back rejoicing.
If one was going to do what has been suggested with a calculator, I suggest an HP, they are Reverse Polish, so much kinder
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (a must see)
From Twitter
@andrewbolt productions proudly presents … *My battle with @Pollytics My head through my minds eye*
http://tinyurl.com/yzmvrfq
Obviously he didn’t create this although when you think about the whole thing, It would have been funnier if he did! ROFLMAO
Immensely enjoyable, Possum.
“is that bloke with the calculator a Pollytics reader”
I always think that when I see someone with a calculator in public!
I enjoy the thought of bolt being hurt by your posts possum. Personally I think he is hurt because he is intellectually humiliated. It also tickles me that he either reads all of the posts and comments at crikey or better yet that he pays someone else to do it.
I would also like to advise those people on ABC that due to a perpetual bias to the right in insiders the show is now known as onesiders and that several of my associates and I refuse to watch it any more. I would also like to advise channel 9 that due to the fright of occasional unannounced appearances of bolt I have deleted that station from my set top box. My kids have not noticed and I suggest that all readers do this untill the television station gets what it deserves (low ratings from Australias most xenophobic and stupid ****** [play nice - Poss] ).
Can you imagine getting PAID to read this? Oh what a life it would be.
Does an abacus count as a calculator, I promise it is smooth, varnished and have no splinters?
I always thought aggravating wing nuts was part of your job description Possum so would have marked you down if you had failed to perform the function. In this case you definitely rate an A. I might even give you an A+ if you can get Bolt to prove human generated global warming by inducing him to self immolate over your cruel victimisation. Only caveat would be whether that would actually amount to a human contribution to global warming.
Oh and Andrew if what is said here immeasurably hurts you we should let you know that your continued role as spokesperson for whatever piece of tosh the right is hawking at the time immeasurably hurts the prospects of reasoned public discussion on things that matter.
David Richards wrote: Tuckey sits on a large depoosit of stupid.
No David, Tuckey is a large deposit of Stupid (with a capital S) and the sooner he meets his own iron bar (in the form of a National Party candidate in his seat) the better.
Champagne comedy, I would like to make toast, to Possum and a perfectly executed bolt victimisation exercise.
I love the fact that Bolt is waiting for response from his legal advisers. Please let this go to court, Bolta, if you are out there, sue the Marsupial for all he is worth, I am sure you have a legitimate greivance.
I noticed that amongst the derogatory terms he listed as being called on his post, one of them was ‘hypocrite”, given the evidence presented, what would be a more appropriate term?
Man I needed a laugh… thanks Poss!
And on your note “Yes folks – it’s my solemn duty to inform you that we have reached Peak Wingnut.”
I dunno mate – you been watching Glenn Beck on Faux News? Oh the humanity!!!
Australian right wing media is very low on the right wing-nuttery scale in my opinion.
As wing-nuts go they are sooks and should be studying right-wing looney tunes like Beck.
I think murdoch would be disturbed that his Australian enterprises fail to live up to the looney-tune level of the comrades in the USA.
The Liberal Party is so empty of its own ideas and policies now that it continually quotes News Ltd in the Parliament as some sort source to be treated with respect. It appears to all the world that the Liberal Party has sub-contracted itself out to the right wing media for strategy and things to say only to find that they have nothing to say other than ‘we don’t like Rudd’.
The day I treat any news limited story with respect will be the day it has entire new ownership and management. Until that day its foremost worth is in being back up toilet paper in case of emergencies.
Oi! Wot about SerfChoices? Being Howard’s lifetime policy fantasy, Liberals will always hold THAT dear!
Actually went and had a look at the Bolt Blog the other day.
It actually worried me, he seems to be developing a bizzare group of followers. Strange, wierd guys. Dangerous?
Well done Possum, LOL actually did the slap the thigh thingo. Really good laugh.
[Snip - Play nice.... Poss]
Thomas Paine, when we’ve had a few more centuries for the inbred to really reduce their gene pool, we’ll catch up to the lunar rightwing Americans. Let’s not forget that they’ve had a long time to get that way.
Yes, Bolt’s a tool, but I think his underlying point – that Green shouldn’t be working at the ABC – is right.
True Stephen Lloyd
It should have been andy and his pandies,running around scaring the beejesus out of the elderly folk
Not on your sweet nellie sunshine
Well, that’s obviously not what I said… and I bet you’re the first to point out other peoples’ straw men, too.
Only those that believe in the Oz
(Oh and I also do Lions and Tinmen)
twobob @ 26: I think the wingnut chair on Insiders is an unfortunate side effect of the ABC trying to avoid claims of left-wing bias: when reporting the facts is “biased”, you need a wingnut to “balance” it. I think this has backfired on the Coalition, though; seeing the rabid, ill-informed performances of Bolt and Ackerman (and Minchin and …) is enough to turn most people off.
Jaeger: So do you think the ABC are playing a subtle game by giving the very-ugly-right light and oxygen?
Insiders clearly has a one left, one middle and one right rotation for its panellists.
It’s able to look “fair and balanced” while providing entertainment for its left-middle viewers as they watch Crabb and Marr skewering Andrew and Piers.
I record Insiders weekly, but delete without watching if either Bolt or Akerman are on.
The issue of bias is important and at present scandalous.
In elections the ABC run the line that they provide equal reporting time for the government and the opposition. In Victoria this leads to the bizarre situation where the Greens are excluded even thought they get twice the vote of the Nationals who sneek in as ‘opposition’.
This is a scandal and should be exposed as such. This is not balance, its not even remotely fair. Any other system, even using the % vote at the previous election would be better.
Its a disgrace that a party that get 1/4 of the vote of the old corrupt parties get no real coverage. Democracy is being sold out here in the enterests of maintaining a two party farce. Oh and where do we complain? What a disgrace.
That is one of the most brilliant and funny bits of invective writing that I’ve read in a long time. Its also the only really appropriate way to deal with these sad and mediocre hate mongerers….
Thankfully Bolt is still there serving it up to the left wing loons who are nothing more than crazed, hateful, lunatics. Like the Possums of New Zealand eating away at all of those lovely trees over there, left wing nutjobs eat away at the very decent, ordinary Australian in their attempts not to be inconvenienced by real life issues and the need to have just one more bicycle path!
Thanks for the sequel John.
John must come from an alternate mirror-image Planet Earth
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