Nothing Wrong with Old Trafford run ups, Lad

After the Old Trafford 2020 game was called off we called Lancashire’s Jim Cumbes to talk about the game. Some guy answered his phone, I can only assume it was Jim.

CWB: Hi Jim, shame about the rain.

Jim: Rain my ass, those blood umpire fools ruined this, I’ve ‘ad more rain indoors than this.

CWB: Whoa Jim, there must have been some rain. I saw umbrellas.

Jim: We don’t use umbrellas oop ‘ere lad. They were from t’South, they were.

CWB: The ground was wet though, you can’t deny that.

Jim: No wetter than my arse after Ah’ve bin splashed by t’toilet water after a good shit. You southern jessies wouldn’t know rain if Ah pissed on you.

CWB: Fair enough. What about the run ups, they looked shit house?

Jim: Just a bit o’ sweatin’ from’t covers, nowt t’ be frettin’ about.

CWB: Sweating? It was wetter than Jordan in front of the Paparazzi; you have to do better than that.

Jim: Come on lad, sweatin’. This was a playable game. Ah once played a game where t’pitch had pooddles on it and t’run ups were made of ice cream, no one whinged they just got on with it.

CWB: So you think this was fit for an international game of cricket.

Jim: International, probably not, but for Northern lads, aye. My boys could’ve played in this against them scumbags from over t’Pennines without complainin’.

CWB: Surely not.

Jim: Sure would’ve. We’d've played cricket nekked in t’ mud at night if t’ ECB let us.

CWB: So you think the umpires, and not the obviously leaky covers had anything to do with this cancellation?

Jim: Leaky covers my arse, lad. That ground were fitter than Catherine Zeta Jones in High Fidelity.

CWB: Thanks for talking to us Jim.

Jim: Aye, lad.