He was found drenched in blood underneath a pile of 2784 news articles about the end of his career/life.

Other than some paper cuts, and a sore elbow from trying to fight his way out, he is ok. He may even be fit enough to bowl again just after Christmas, if he doesn’t die again before then.

Life has been tough for Lee under all these news items. At times he even had Dizzy Gillespie and Mark Taylor sitting on the pile.

Lee is resilient, and even though his elbow is not working, he realises that it can come good and that he might not be finished with yet.

He was also lucky that he hadn’t read any of the articles on him (they were all facing up), as that would have scarred him for life.

But he has a pulse, still bowled faster Walt Flanagan’s dog in India, and is not at the age he needs to be put down.

If he was 33 and was bowling at Stuart Clark’s pace I’d agree, I’d get the shovel, but he is 33, in an injury phase, but no need to bury him yet.

There is no guarantee he will ever get picked again, but that doesn’t mean he has to call the cooper to give his measurements just yet.

Ofcourse even if Lee was dead that wouldn’t stop him trying.

He is that sort of dude.

If he were dead he would probably try harder. And his ghost would be forever moving the bowler’s marker at the SCG.

You can find Jarrod at cricket with balls.

In an act of grand larceny, ex-Arsenal striker Thierry Henry – currently at Spanish giants Barcelona – handballed twice (the second time deliberately to control the ball), to set up France’s goal in a 1-1 extra time draw against the Irish in Paris this morning. France qualified for the World Cup at Ireland’s expense thanks to a 2-1 aggregate ‘win’ over two matches.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The referee and linesman failed to spot the handball despite Henry almost catching the ball at the back post before squaring to teammate William Gallas to score. Post-match, Henry decided to “be honest” (!!) and admit “the ball hit my hand” but “I am not the referee”. Who said cheats never prosper?

For the good of the game of football, this result cannot be allowed to stand.

FIFA needs to order this match to be replayed at a neutral venue. It’s an absolute disgrace and here in Australia, gives further ammunition to football’s critics to mock the game’s integrity.

Henry is a fantastic player but he’ll now be forever remembered as a cheat. Perhaps he should have a word with his former manager at Arsenal, Arsene Wenger, who offered to replay a 1999 FA Cup match against Sheffield United after a controversial winning Arsenal goal. Arsenal won that replay 2-1 but also won something far more important – the admiration of sports fans for their sense of decency.

Will the French manager, Raymond Domenech, follow his compatriot Wenger’s example and offer the Irish a replay? In the high financial stakes game of World Cup qualification, it’s doubtful. FIFA must intervene.

We’ve been here before, of course. Diego Maradona’s handball against England in the 1986 World Cup led to FIFA instigating a Fair Play campaign. It’s worthless if FIFA refuse to get some balls and order the French to replay the match.

This result sullies the game of football. If not addressed, it’s tempting to forget about football. What’s the point if this kind of cheating behaviour is rewarded at the supposed pinnacle of the sport?

As Bernard Keane reported in yesterday’s Crikey Daily Mail:

[The report] has in effect called the bluff of successive Australian governments and proposed a re-weighting of sports funding away from elite Olympic sports toward grassroots participation.

The Crawford Review has brought that contradiction out into the open, suggesting “the funding imbalance between Olympic and non-Olympic sports should be questioned. More emphasis should be given to sports that are popular with many Australians … The bias toward funding Olympic sports leads to outcomes that make little strategic sense for Australia.”

For many, the criticism of Australia’s gold-medal-hungry sports policies have been a long time coming.

In the SMH, Richard Hinds writes:

David Crawford and his panel should be hailed for one thing: attempting to unshackle the government-funded sports sector from the limited, stifling and self-serving influence of the Olympic movement and its costly, self-aggrandising gold-medal obsession.

The Age’s Greg Baum takes a similar line:

Now the Federal Government must decide if it believes failure to win a medal in the 50-metre backstroke in London in 2012 represents a calamitous failure of national vocation that will put Australia at risk of disappearing off the face of the globe, or merely will spare the world three gratuitous ”oi’’s. I think we will survive.

But in other (decidedly more Rupert-flavoured) corners, the assault on Australia’s Olympic hopes have not been so well-received.

The Australian’s sports editor Willy Mason writes:

To follow the recommendation of the Crawford review of sport and abandon the aspiration to remain in the top five Olympic nations and settle for mere sporting mediocrity is to throw away part of our national identity.

…

Every Australian athlete, no matter what their sport, deserves the chance to strive for Olympic selection and a medal. And every Australian deserves the chance to celebrate when they succeed.

So what do Crikey Sports readers think? A refreshing change in thinking from the relentless and costly pursuit of Olympic gold, or is international sporting success a vital part of our national identity? Leave your thoughts below.

Or this:

Or:

I was reminded of this in an article in yesterday’s SMAge Good Weekend supplement, which had a throw-away line that one interview subject (a chef? I really can’t remember) had been “the youngest black-belt in the world”.

Yeah, him and about ten thousand others.

“Youngest black-belt in the world/Australia/America/Britain” articles made regular appearances in my inbox every week. Invariably, it was some four, five, or six-year-old kid from Sensei Billy’s Karate Academy in bum-fuck nowhere — usually the US, and usually named something like Cody or Tyson. Usually, they were also the kid of the head instructor.

Recently, I also noticed the promoters of a video game called Mini Ninjas pulled off a huge PR coup by parading a little five-year-old Indian girl with a karate black-belt around the UK media circus:

It’s not hard to see why the story gained so much traction — “Young girl is good at martial arts” stories also feature regularly in local rags — and her instructor is also, surprise surprise, her dad.

Without getting into the whole debate around the point of giving kids black-belts — or the point of belts in martial arts at all — suffice to say: it’s all a bit silly.

And although community newspapers aren’t typically known for deep investigative journalism, I’m always a little surprised that the writers don’t at least do a simple Google search to establish whether these “youngest black-belt” claims hold any water.

If you want your toddler to be an overnight media sensation, basic black-belts retail for about $8 at your local martial arts store.

Disclaimer: Scandal! I too was a child black-belt — but at the ripe old age of 12, was well and truly over-the-hill by martial arts standards.

Australia has a relatively low population for the number of popular male ‘national’ sports: the various football codes and cricket. This inevitably causes a high level of competition among them for fans and finance. Other countries recognise that possible changes in these sports may be seen first in Australia. “Because the sporting marketplace in this country is so competitive, any trends – good or bad – in the global game manifest themselves here first.” This article will look (in depth) at the health of Australia’s main male team sporting codes, suggest the turning points the codes will have to negotiate on the way and then predict where they will be in ten years time.

Australia has four “football” codes and cricket. For argument’s sake, none of these sports will be referred to as just football, but for the record Soccer has more claim to the name than any other sport.

1. Rugby League.

Current Status:

Despite chronic problems with player behaviour Australian Rugby League is in a very healthy state at the moment in terms of fans and interest but there are always questions over the financial stability of its NRL clubs. The NRL is where most of the interest stems from and unless it can come up with some real solutions to these problems (not merging teams or letting Russell buy them, but real financial planning) we might see an NBL like collapse in the NRL, although if that was to happen it would have to be from worse decision making than Jamie Packer in Vegas.

Turning Points:

• ­They recently dodged a bullet having John Howard decline a job opportunity in the sport, if he’d have accepted I certainly would have boycotted.
• ­A Kangaroos v Wallaby yearly exhibition match will give both codes a boost. Half of each game with cheap tickets at ANZ stadium. Rugby League will get a taste for real international competition and publicity.
• Can someone fix player behaviour? Rugby league needs to fix this ongoing problem and fast. There is no place in Australia’s future for assault of any kind against women, fans will boycott and lawsuits in this current financial crisis will cripple the sport. Young players are getting taught about sexual relationships and respect for women by the internet porn industry and steps need to be taken to address this.
• ­ Can there be competition internationally, other than the occasional upset from New Zealand or England? Australia doesn’t have any other nation capable of matching them. If there was competition from even a third or fourth team we could really see the rugby league world cup take off. More money needs to be sent to develop Pacific Island nations teams, but weather this will happen remains to be seen.

2020 Prediction:

A slight drop in percentage popularity as international competition will not improve enough in the next ten years. The game is a good product for the public but I doubt it will improve from the position it is in at the moment. State of Origin will always be one of the ‘must see’ Australian Sporting events of the year and hence the game will always be a super power of Australian sport.

2. Aussie Rules.

Current Status:

Aussie Rules certainly isn’t in decline but is running out of ideas to keep itself as number one in terms of fans. It does not have the same behavioural issues as rugby league but really suffers from no international matches at all. Apart from a few gae (Gaelic Football) matches against Ireland, aussie rules doesn’t really get much international coverage.

Recently aussie rules has taken to signing a high profile rugby league player (Mike Hunt) in a bid to get the east coast of Australia tuning into some games.

Turning Points:

• ­When all eyes are on Mike Hunt’s debut in the sport it needs to be able to show a good game. Even if he’s not a great player to start with no one is going to respect a blow out 150-35 score line.
• ­Aussie Rules needs to get some form of ‘State of Origin’ up and running. Fans would love to see representative teams go head to head and could be the annual showpiece of the sport as it is in rugby league. A Victoria v Larger States might work well.

2020 Prediction:

Aussie rules will still have its place in Australian sport but I expect a slight decrease in the percentage fan base. They will continue to get a lot of fans turning up to club games but unless they get a state of origin type annual match they will not attract enough new fans.

3. Soccer.

Current Status:

Australian Soccer is at the healthiest it has ever been. It does not look like it will plateau any time in the next year unless absolute disaster. Soccer in Australia has grown to this level because it’s “the world game” and has subsequently captured the imagination of many in the sporting public that love ‘rooting’ for the underdog .

The A league has also proved successful in its first few years because they broke down some ethnic barriers and produces a decent product for people to get behind.

Turning Points:

• ­We made it into the World Cup Finals, but if we fail to win a game at the event I can imagine a lot of people will give up on the sport.
• ­We need to qualify for the next Asian Cup, as world cups are 4 years apart, qualification is extremely important to keep people interested between those times.
• ­Mass exodus of players after the South African world cup. Superstars like Schwarzter, Kewell and Cahill may all hang up their boots after next years finals and we have no one to replace the fan base they bring. Schwartzer has been called Benjamin Button because of the ability to age like a fine wine but playing in his 40’s may prove too much for him. Kewell said he would kick on due to injuries stifling his late 20’s but another injury in his 30’s may force him to give it up. Cahill seems the logical person to ‘kick on’ and keep interest levels high through to the following world cup.
• ­Will Australia get a soccer world cup (either stage one or win one)? Probably not, but if they do it could well become our most popular sport. This is probably the reason why the FFA is fighting so hard to host a WC in the near future.

2020 Prediction:

Unless we somehow get the World Cup before this date I see Australian Soccer peeking in Popularity at the 2011 South African World Cup, then plateau to the 2013 Asian Cup, where I think most ‘superstars’ will retire. Then a slow but steady drop as our national team becomes weaker and qualification into the tournaments becomes harder against opposition where we are seen as the favourites.

The A-league will slowly decrease in popularity over the next ten years as those who watch it know if the players were better they’d be playing overseas.

4. Cricket.

Current Status:

Cricket is Australia ‘National Sport’ and has really done well for its self in recent times including a shortened format of the game. Australia has always pulled in the fans at home, and I think the domestic teams are on the brink of doing likewise as they have proven themselves of the highest quality in the recent club challenge, where both Australian teams who entered played off in the semi and the Blues went on to win the whole tournament.

Turning Points:

• ­Australia need to build up characters in the public eye: Gilly, McGrath and Warne have moved on and Australia really need players with some personality. Katich winning Master Chef is a fine example of what I’m talking about.
• ­Marketing for the Big Bash (T20 domestic comp) has got to get bigger every year. The Blues play at ANZ stadium and plans should be to fill that up, even if it means giving schools free tickets and reducing adult ticket prices to the cost of a stadium beer.

2020 Prediction:

With the amount of cricket being played at the moment Australia will always have some successes and losses during the years to come. Cricket in Australia will become more popular in the following years as the game is adapting to what the public wants. Expect to see changes to the 50 over format!

5. Rugby Union.

Current Status:

The most unhealthy of the codes in this article, Rugby Union is on a downward spiral as the game is becoming more kick/penalty orientated, no domestic team has made the finals in the super 14 and the Wallabies are struggling to match it with New Zealand and South Africa.

Turning Points:

• ­This spring tour has got to be successful. Even if the Wallabies don’t produce a fairytale grand slam they have got to get the monkey off the back here and now and show the world and their fans that they’re still an exciting force to be reckoned with.
• ­Good advertising has got to be produced in the near future, I’m sick of seeing pathetic ads for the Wallabies or the Super 14 that don’t show the best parts of the sport. Rugby ads used to be exciting with the Matt Dunning intercept, the Steve Larkham drop goal, flick passes, big tackles, etc, etc. At the moment we have ads featuring Al Baxter, our most capped and penalised prop singing the national anthem. Whoever makes the ads should actually be a rugby fan. All the codes mentioned have good ads, except for the cricketers who have KFC all meals of the day.
• ­Need players to look up to. Like the cricket team, the wallabies have lost their superstar players recently, no Gregan, no Larkham. These are players who would do anything to win and their pride and courage need to be taken up and noticed by others in the team. I never saw them demanding $2.5k each ($31.25 a minute) for a trail match.
• ­A Kangaroos v Wallaby yearly exhibition match will give both codes a boost. Half of each game with cheap tickets at ANZ stadium. Rugby Union will get a chance to display their sport to a large amount of league only fans and hopefully have them appreciate the sport that their game originated from.
• ­The Super 15 in 2011, needs a real product rethink. The game needs to be simpler, with more running rugby and more tries scored (this could be as simple as changing referees interpretations of the laws). The TV rights need to be addressed as some matches should be shown on free to air, it can’t be Fox exclusive again because no new people will choose to watch it.
• ­The game on display at the 2011 WC needs to be exciting running rugby, rugby can’t afford a 15-6 all penalty final again. The Wallabies will need to go into the WC as underdogs and punch above their weight, we can’t peak too early.

2020 Prediction:

A strong end to this year and a super 14 title in 2010 to the Brumbies will start a gradual climb for the code. The Code will then only keep climbing if the suggested turning points are addressed properly.

These codes are weather you like it or not businesses and hence need to be run with the ‘consumers’ (the fans) as a top priority. In Australia we have the most competition for fans (and that’s why other countries look to us for their future trends), and although one fan can support two things at once, they are always going to pump more money into their favourite. Some codes are currently taking steps in the right direction, such as Cricket and Soccer. Some at least look like they’re trying, like Aussie Rules and Rugby League. But still ‘others’ need to draw a line in the sand and ‘unite’ as their name suggest move forward and really show the fans what they can do for them!

Who's gonna play full-forward?

By Juan Cote at Green and Gold Rugby

The wait is finally over with Melbourne being named as the new Super 15 franchise that will enter the Super rugby competition in 2011. Just how the announcement will be greeted in Melbourne remains to be seen after the city was left standing at the alter some years ago when the fourth franchise went West.

There has been more than enough written in recent months about the lack of interest shown in sports capital of Australia at the promise of a Super rugby team, so it appears as though the ARU Thought Police will have their work cut out trying to indoctrinate the locals.

It was will some relief that JO’N proclaimed the announcement was a “vote for commonsense”. This statement was particularly ironic after the ARU seemed to show very little commonsense during a process that reportedly pissed-off every single bidder involved.

What is interesting is to read the decision handed down by the Determination Panel of David “Captain” Kirk and former NZ beak, Barry Paterson. For those who thought the Melbourne team was always a done deal, it offers some sobering words.

“The Southern Kings proposal was more advanced with regard to business and financial planning and organization structure and governance. The Southern Kings were also able to point to a strong rugby tradition, a large playing base and presented a stronger case than Melbourne as to their rugby readiness.

“These strengths of the Southern King’s Application did not, however, offset the benefits in geographical location and commercial value to SANZAR (both of which criteria the Experts were asked to place considerable weight on) that the Melbourne Application was able to deliver.”

So it came down to a commercial decision rather that a decision based on pure rugby. Maybe that’s just words to placate the Saffer contingent of SANZAR however the amount of work to be done in Melbourne over the next twelve months is massive.

But I guess today is not a day to worry about such minor detail; it is a day to bask in the glory and shout it from the roof tops – as JO’N duly did.

“This is the right decision for SANZAR and it’s a momentous day for Australian rugby and the people of Melbourne.” proclaimed the King.

I wonder if the people of Melbourne realise just how momentous a day today is?

Bringing the BBQ to pommyland

Matt is the editor of GreenandGoldRugby.com

The Wallaby team to take on England this weekend was named today, and what flutter of excitement it’s caused. There might only be one new starter and a few positional swaps in it, but what a change it signals.

From the makeshift security of The Earl (AAC) and Ryan Cross being part of another predictable loss last weekend, we now have the excitement machine; a centre pairing of Mr BBQ footy – Quade Cooper at 12, and the hardest runner in the Super 14 of 2009 – Digby Ioane at 13.

Just when you start to think Robbies selection are made by a robot, he does this. Can anyone remember a more instinctive combination in the Wallabies? I believe that this, dare I say it, could shade Horan & Little for it’s potential to wreak havoc – hopefully just in attack though. A nice curve ball indeed.

To make way for this, The Earl moves to fullback and Shmoo slots in on the wing. So not only does this create a new attacking axis for the Wallabies, but it also shores up the back three. The only other change is George Smith starting in his 107th test, which surely fields Australia’s most competitive back row.

So what does this mean for this weekend?

The pommy press has dismissed this Wallaby side as nothing more than a work in progress, Tri-Nations whipping boy for whom the potential of winning a Grand Slam is nothing short of fantasy. I’ll readily admit that the questions over the Wallaby line-out and locking combination remain a real threat. However, through their second row selections, England seem to be looking for bulk in the scrum and lineout rather than jumping prowess, and in those two areas Australia has made great strides.

What the pommy press has conveniently overlooked, while at the same time bleating about injuries, is that while this thrown together England team has few tested combinations, this Wallaby team has spent the last 3 months training together in between testing themselves against the best two teams in the world.

I believe we could well see the benefit of this learning curve start to pay off this Saturday, with a change from staring down the Boks and the Blacks acting as the the confidence tonic this side needs. As usual, the opposite is just not worth thinking about.

Gagger says: Wallabies by 10

.

Wallabies from the set piece

Wallabies named:

15. Adam Ashley-Cooper (Brumbies)

14. Peter Hynes (Queensland Reds)

13. Digby Ioane (Queensland Reds)

12. Quade Cooper (Queensland Reds)

11. Drew Mitchell (NSW Waratahs)

10. Matt Giteau (Brumbies)

9. Will Genia (Queensland Reds)

8. Wycliff Palu (NSW Waratahs)

7. George Smith (Brumbies)

6. Rocky Elsom (Brumbies, captain)

5. Mark Chisholm (Brumbies)

4. James Horwill (Queensland Reds)

3. Ben Alexander (Brumbies)

2. Stephen Moore (Brumbies)

1. Benn Robinson (NSW Waratahs)

Run on reserves:

16. Tatafu Polota Nau (NSW Waratahs)

17. Matt Dunning (Western Force)

18. Dean Mumm (NSW Waratahs)

19. David Pocock (Western Force)

20. Luke Burgess (NSW Waratahs)

21. Ryan Cross (Western Force)

22. James O’Connor (Western Force)

Not many stand out. Maybe Steve Fielding’s (he’s a funny man) but that’s about it. So I couldn’t help but laugh when I received the following presser this afternoon:

Concerned Tasmanians for Jason Krejza

On the first anniversary of Jason Krejza’s 12-wicket haul on his test cricket debut, a new community group has been formed to lobby for his inclusion in the test side.

Concerned Tasmanians for Jason Krejza (CT4K) has two key goals:

(a) To get Jason Krejza into the Australian test, one-day and 20/20 cricket sides, and
(b) To promote World Jason Krejza Day (6-10 November) on each anniversary of the Nagpur test where Krejza took world record figures of 12/358 on debut.

CT4JK Spokesperson Hugh Miller said that since Krejza’s demotion, Australian cricket has been in a state of disaster.

“Since Krejza was dropped, Australia lost a home test series to South Africa and the Ashes. We couldn’t even beat New Zealand at home in the one-dayers. Coincidence?” Mr Miller said.

“All this time we’ve endured the biggest non-turner in the history of Australian cricket, Nathan Hauritz, as a front-line spinner. It’s like a nightmare you can’t wake up from.”

“The Australian selectors are having a massive laugh at the fans’ expense.”

CT4JK’s website – www.krejza4australia.com – has been inundated with messages of support since its launch this week for World Jason Krejza Day (6-10 November 2009).

“World Jason Krejza Day’s theme this is year is Celebrate the figures. 12/358 on debut is a world record and we’re keen to get that message of hope into the community,” Mr Miller said.

“CT4JK will be running community events and spreading the word of Krejza.

“We’ll be sending a message that Andrew Hilditch and his band of so-called selectors cannot ignore. That message is “Pick Jason ‘Tassie’ Krejza.”

Brilliant.

Uni students surely, I thought. David Boon? … nah. Could it be Bob Brown? Or his staff? He was born in NSW and played first class cricket for his home state. This doesn’t make sense.

Committed to finding out, I sent the following email:

Leigh Josey from Crikey here.

That’s the funniest media release I have seen for a while.

A few questions.

1) Is this in fact the work of Jason Krejza himself?

2) If not, does Jason Krejza know of/or endorse your organisation?

3) What are your thoughts of Nathan Hauritz?

4) Do you have a sister organistaion in NSW?

I received a prompt response from “Ben”. My god, they have people actually working on this?

Ben (it couldn’t be fellow Taswegian Ben Hilfenhaus could it???) replied:

Concerned Tasmanians for Jason Krejza is not a joke, if there is a joke in all of this it is the Australian selectors. There is a very serious point in all this, that is that Jason Krejza is the only legitimate post-Warne spinning option for the Australian cricket side. You’ll find an examination of the facts at www.krejza4australia.com.

To answer your questions:

1 and 2) No, CT4JK doesn’t know Jason Krejza but we believe in his turning ability.

3) Nathan Hauritz is a blight on the game and threatens the team’s performance, morale and marketing potential. He only has one delivery — the nudie — i.e. the ball that doesn’t turn.

Krejza has dozens of options in his kitbag and isn’t afraid to use them. (If you’d like evidence of this please refer to his 12 wickets on debut)

4) No sister organisation in NSW, but like Jason himself, we will happily consider anyone who gets on board with the campaign as a Tasmanian.

My god. This may just work.

It’s worth asking considering other revelations contained in Agassi’s autobiography titled Open published next week. Thanks to sensational serialised extracts from the book, media outlets all over the world have been happy to give Agassi’s book fantastic free publicity. The five-times Grand Slam champ’s confessions that he used crystal meth, took speed before matches and lied to tennis authorities about it when caught was always likely to get a lot of attention. Agassi’s admission that he wore a mullet wig for much of the 1990s has also helped get the American tennis legend back in the spotlight. This, Wayne Carey, is how you promote a forthcoming autobiography.

It all leaves a bitter taste though. It’s not like Agassi is confessing his sins (and that mullet was a sin) due to a newfound sense of honesty. He’s doing it for money. Surely he doesn’t need any more cash? Unless he’s also about to admit to a degenerate gambling problem too. Perhaps that’s chapter 7 or 13.

No matter which way it’s spun, Agassi’s actions and – more importantly – his lies to avoid punishment when caught were disgraceful. He won’t be remembered so fondly by many tennis and sports fans now.

It’s Andrés Gómez you have to feel sorry for. He must be gutted that his sole Grand Slam title has been tarnished by claims his opponent’s wig worries on the day was a major factor in his win.

Don’t buy Andre Agassi’s book. If you must read it, steal it. And if you’re caught, deny everything. Agassi will understand.

Lock/flanker action

Matt is editor of GreenandGoldRugby.com

Robbie Deans must feel like the boy with his finger in the dyke – just as you get one hole plugged, another crack opens wide. Or at least, I hope he sees it that way, because I believe there’s a good chance that the Wallabies are going to get blindsided on this Grand Slam European tour, from probably the most underrated position on the modern rugby field – the second row.

While we’ve all been fixated on the scrummaging of the Wallabies Props or the throwing of Polota-Nau, a slow but certain rot has been setting into the strength of Australia’s lock stocks. Only as recently as the 2007 World Cup did Australia have a jumping pair to rival any in the world, in the form of Dan Vickerman (204cm) and Nathan Sharpe (200cm).

Since then, with Vickerman up north and Sharpe either deemed surplus to requirements or injured, Australia’s locking stocks have done a Lehman Brothers. Out of the 19 forwards on this year’s Grand Slam Tour, only 1 (the out-of-form James Horwill, 200cm) is listed as a specialist lock. Mark Chisholm (197cm), Dean Mumm (196cm) and Dave “midget” Dennis (192cm) are all listed as “Lock/Flankers”. I suspect though, that if Dingo asked “who wants to play sux?” all three would find their arms involuntarily raising.

So what’s the big deal?

The problem is that the once ‘banker’ Aussie line-out has turned decidedly shoddy and was a key contributor to a lousy Tri-Nations, as the stats opposite attest.

Compare that to the line-out stats from last years’ European Tour and the difference is stark.

Probably the most alarming stat for me is the demise of the win against the throw. As we saw towards the end of the Tri-Nations, the Wallabies, lacking a specialist jumping lock like Sharpe, had given up even attempting to contest the notoriously rickety New Zealand line-out. With the line-out having become the key attacking set piece over recent years, such a capitulation hands the opposition a golden platform.

Sure, within those 2009 Tri-Nations stats are the world’s line-out kings, Victor Matfield (200cm) and Bakkies Botha (202cm). But looking at what’s likely to come the Wallabies’ way this spring, it’s certainly not going to be smooth sailing. Of the most likely lock opponents across the four home nations, all eight are specialist locks (no whiff of wannabe flankers), and have an average height of 200 cms, weight of 118kgs and 47 caps under their belts.

The average Wallaby lock (or more accurately, lock/flanker) is 196cms tall, weighs 110kgs and just 20 caps to his name.

With 10 out of the 19 touring Wallabies forwards listed as flankers within their positional description, I feel sure we could take any other pack forced to play back rowers only. The problem is, they’re not. It would seem that just as Australian rugby finds some light at the end of one tight five conundrum in the front row, another has been left to ominously fester. Let’s hope Dave Dennis still has plenty of growing left to do.

Likely opposition locks on the Grand Slam Tour