Prawns are funny. And you could be named after one! If you win this compulsory online auction you will have to change your name, by deed poll, to “The Small Spotted Shrimp”.
This from the website at the so-called Marine Conservation Society…
If you look at the picture below, it is clearly not a real prawn, it is a picture of a prawn. Do you want to have a picture of a prawn named after you? I am suspicious of the whole thing, it’s like “Oh yeah, we discovered this new um…er PRAWN! Yeah a Prawn, that’s it and we’re going to have like an auction thingy to um raise money for um… fish, yes, FISH. And you can get it named after you if you pay the MOST MONEY!!” This is clearly a SCAM and you might even suggest that it is Phishing – hahaahahhahh (but obviously it isn’t, that is just an appalling pun and you should be ashamed.)
These so called scientists (even though they have a WEBSITE) are auctioning off not only a new prawn but also the name of it. That’s right. It could (SHOULD) be the Firstcanusluna Prawnpadpedii and I plan to bid. Of course if you are bidding you will ALSO SUGGEST THAT AS THE NAME as you have been hypnotised by reading this, rather than trying to get it named after yourself how pathetic would that be trying to name my prawn after yourself. I expect to pay at least $20 for the privilege and I am sure the money will go to buying Vodka or Post-It notes for the Marine Biologists because everyone knows they are stationary obsessed drunkards unlike cartoonists who are widely known not to be. I imagine it is a hard life spending every day at the seaside talking to fish. Anyway, what a worthy cause. Fish certainly need all they help they can get these days, what with all that water and other fish and so on.
It is a lovely prawn picture, obviously fake, but what else are these marine biologists going to do with their time if they are not fabricating new species to fund their Vodka fueled trips to Office Works?
Alternatively, and this would work much better, they could auction the right to name INDIVIDUAL PRAWNS after people who donate. You could have a never ending parade of prawns named Christopher Pyne and Tanya Plibersek and so on and you could just keep them in a bag or even just let them go – there are so many prawns and so many people, you could raise a lot of money for the so called Marine Conservation Society and their apparent “fish”.
On the other hand, you could have a bushfire dog. We have a bushfire dog staying with us at the moment (or “the evacudog” as we call him). He normally lives in Warburton where he survives on a diet of stolen chickens and small children. He is a lovely boy although he smells like he just had a holiday in Satan’s lower intestine. He is also a vicious killer or at least he would be if we let him out of the reinforced steel cage he travels in.
Isnt he cute!
The best thing about a bushfire dog is that if he tries to kill another dog or even a child in the park you just have to look a little sad and say, “He’s not actually my dog, he’s a bushfire dog” and everyone says “awwwww” and feels ashamed for being afraid of what is clearly a vicious, barely controllable, killing machine that smells like Satan’s bumhole.
At this stage, we haven’t found any upside to the bushfires and this is certainly not it.
Of course, if he did end up injuring someone, we could dress him as a prawn and conceal him at the Marine Conservation Society. That way no one would ever know.