And you thought your Dreamliner seat was a nightmare?
And you thought your Dreamliner seat was a nightmare?

For a publication that is generally about good things, Australian Business Traveller has a sharp eye for humbug in drawing our attention to a 12 across business class atrocity patent from Boeing.

However, the problem is more widespread than Boeing.  Its rival Airbus seems to be in a contest with the cruel American to come up with even crueler ways of cramming more people into airliners.

Such as in this ‘mezzanine seating’ patent.

That Airbus patent; one wonders if it was based on the apparently hate filled vision of the same author of the latest Boeing patent,  followed one in which the rear section of a jet could be honeycombed with three levels of stacked bodies.

So, we have evidence that within Airbus and Boeing, the manic creations of people who hate people are being indulged by both jet makers in an obscene contest to see who can inflict the most suffering on future travellers at all price points in premium and economy travel.

Great. Now there are a few human as well as regulatory issues that arise with any application of these patents, including those for testicle crushing bike seats or posts to which standing room only passengers are secured so that their limbs aren’t ripped from their sockets in otherwise survivable hard landings.

The sissy safety regulations of our times insist that passengers have an accessible emergency exit, and an emergency oxygen supply in case of cabin depressurisations. These two requirements would prevent honeycomb layers of sleeping tubes in today’s airliners, unless we all toughen up and repeal these inconvenient safety rules.

The more difficult cabin management issues would be claustrophobia and flatulence. Entombing someone in such a tube who then goes berserk halfway across the Pacific in a confined space without a window or any indication of up or down would ruin the flying experience for dozens of other adjacent passengers.

Although air travellers would at least begin to understand what live cattle and sheep shipments are like, or what the cat and dog endure in pet packs.

Do Airbus and Boeing understand that such designs would kill the desirability of flying? Maybe we fly too much. With cabins like some of these nightmarish creations, the size of air travel markets could be collapsed to a fraction of their current sizes.

Look carefully at the diagrams shown in the Australian Business Traveller article. Where have you seen that before? If you have ever had the misfortune to cover a major train disaster, or a larger scale natural or unnatural disaster, that’s how the corpses are stacked.

These patented obscenities demean Airbus and Boeing alike. We are humans who want to fly in airliners, not carcasses. These patented designs are unworthy of two great makers of airliners.

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