New Zealanders discover the interior space of an A380
New Zealanders discover the interior space of an A380

Attempted humor  The provocations from Emirates must be starting to annoy the the good burghers in Air New Zealand, with news that it will now replace its outrageously inappropriate 777s to Christchurch with even more outlandish A380s.

Decent, church going, law abiding citizens know that Chi-chi isn’t worth anything larger than a 737 or A320 for flights to the outer world. And not content with daily non-stop A380s between Auckland and Dubai (for the best ever connections to exciting parts of  Europe Air NZ doesn’t serve anyhow) here it comes with that flaming great big jet the experts said should never have been allowed to fly.

Satire aside, Emirates has a point, actually lots of points. New Zealanders are big people (just ask the Wallabies) and the local carrier, in its wisdom, thinks they can all happily fly in 787s and 777s with some of the tiniest economy class seats ever seen in the jet age, when most of them need two, one for each ****cheek.

The hopelessly inefficient A380s which struggle to cross the Tasman without refueling, have this magnetic attraction for regular sized adults thinking of flying for a day to the other sides of the Pacific, or the World.

The truth is that if you made an A380 as miserable inside for economy class as a 787 it would carry more than 700 passengers, and burn less fuel per ****ock per kilometre anyhow. And if you are going buy a share in the jet by flying in a premium seat, at least on the A380 there is a bar, and you can stand up and walk around, and even get a shower, for really big bucks, or something like a spare million Qantas points that will otherwise expire unused when you die trying to redeem them anyhow.

The gnawing issue for airlines that haven’t any, or even enough, A380s, is that people are getting bigger while the seats are getting smaller in just about every other type of airliner (including in Emirates’ world’s largest fleet of 777s) and their numbers multiply at seemingly biblical rates.

New Zealand is a gloriously attractive destination, and a big roomy jet is an appropriate way, short of a private ocean going cruiser or an owner’s suite on a cargo ship, of making the long journeys there and back in a civilised manner. Sooner or later, restoring the comfort levels that Air New Zealand for one used to be noted for, will become a commercial imperative.

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