The debate over Australia’s continuing links to the monarch of England have taken a bizarre turn of late. Although David Flynt is still trotting out the ‘politicians’ republic’ line from the ’99 referendum, he’s also jumped on board the newest argument in the monarchists’ play-book, namely, Prince William Rocks!

According to Professor Flynt we should be delighted that Australia may get some reflected glory due to Prince William’s celebrity cachet, although I don’t remember him arguing that we should elevate Bono to be the ceremonial head of our government last time U2 toured.

But Professor Flynt’s insistence that we should be somehow humbled to be visited by an important person is actually not the most vapid and insulting argument that has been made in favour of the monarchy, that honour goes to the group whose entire support for the monarchy seems more like something out of a trashy romance novel.

Andrew Bolt detected the trend last year:

Do you really think the women of Australia will vote to get rid of King William? Do you really think Women’s Weekly readers and the cuppa tea ladies will deny themselves their handsome prince?

But the idea of a handsome prince wasn’t enough to entice Herald Sun opinion writer Sally Morrell, she’s been thinking on a much larger scale:

IF Prince William really wants to please his grandmother on this visit to Australia, he should fall in love with a local girl.

It would kill the republican movement dead. The Windsors would still rule here, OK.

Really? What’s in it for us?

A King William would strengthen the bond between the Windsors and their Australian “subjects” for at least another generation. But what would seal that deal is for William to hook up with a lovely girl from the Colonies.

That surely would leave the Queen royally pleased. I mean, does any monarch really welcome the loss of any of her territories?

Is this woman serious? What is so captivating about the Winsors that monarchists lose touch with reality whenever they’re the topic of conversation? Despite our constitutional arrangements I doubt that many Australians consider our homeland to be a colony, or territory, of the British royal family any more, and I certainly can’t see the supposed appeal in the public sycophancy that Morrell, in this case, is indulging in.

To top it off, Morrell has already decided on an ideal candidate for Prince William’s antipodean bride:

Can I be bold and suggest our own Miranda Kerr?

Yes, because royalty marrying an actress ended up bringing plenty of stability to the Grimaldi family, didn’t it?

Deciding on the constitutional arrangements of a nation based on how a potential head of state might rate on Hot-or-Not is almost as silly as letting that role fall to the first born child of a foreign family.

Update: Let’s not forget that Canada also finds itself struggling with its links to the British crown, as the team from the Daily Show remind us.

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