Pure Poison IconIf you thought the Great News Ltd Unhinging couldn’t get any sillier, then I have a surprise for you: Alan Howe’s full page rant in the middle of today’s Herald Sun.


Stalin, Kim Jong-Il, the Burmese junta, Mugabe… it’s amazing Alan managed to resist the formal Godwin.

Yes, this sophisticated analysis – any government that wants an investigation into media diversity is JUST LIKE THE WORST MOST BRUTAL DICTATORS IN HISTORY – isn’t confined to the sub-editors’ photo selection. It weaves throughout Alan’s entirely reasonable prose:

North Korea is a ripper example… Similarly, in Burma, your news is always good news and always supplied by the government… Zimbabwe is the same… [Mugabe] even had a journalist he did not like murdered… the old Soviet Union… the daily newspaper Pravda… Murderous tyrants and military dictatorships license newspapers in countries such as North Korea, Burma, and Zimbabwe.

My god, those tyrants are so much like Julia Gillard and her diabolical “Co-PM” Bob Brown!

Unlike Mugabe’s henchmen, Brown wouldn’t kill a reporter, but he’d love the opportunity to kill off, or force the sale of, the masthead for which they worked.

See? It’s an easy leap – media diversity, equals “killing off” a newspaper, which is only a tiny jump from actually murdering journalists. And Mugabe being famous for demanding diverse media ownership.

Finally, and I am not kidding, this is how Alan starts his article complaining about the media inquiry:

WHO says there was a Big Bang? I didn’t hear it. Did you?

Of course, they’ll tell you we aren’t old enough. And what about these black holes? They’re everywhere.

Let’s get this right: Out there, somewhere beyond the Dandenongs, there are these swirling, bagless vacuum cleaner-like things violently sucking up planets nine times the size of our sun, along with untold sorts of other intergalactic matter, all of which becomes invisible once they enter a void we cannot see, photograph or measure.

Illuminated? That’s why people buy the Herald Sun. For the football results its quality journalism.

I suspect Howe’s effort today was worth at least a thousand new subscriptions for Southbank. At least.

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