Alan Howe

Sep 19, 2011

Alan Howe: it’s not a Godwin if I compare them with everyone BUT Hitler, is it?

If you thought the Great News Ltd Unhinging co

Pure Poison IconIf you thought the Great News Ltd Unhinging couldn’t get any sillier, then I have a surprise for you: Alan Howe’s full page rant in the middle of today’s Herald Sun.

Stalin, Kim Jong-Il, the Burmese junta, Mugabe… it’s amazing Alan managed to resist the formal Godwin.

Yes, this sophisticated analysis – any government that wants an investigation into media diversity is JUST LIKE THE WORST MOST BRUTAL DICTATORS IN HISTORY – isn’t confined to the sub-editors’ photo selection. It weaves throughout Alan’s entirely reasonable prose:

North Korea is a ripper example… Similarly, in Burma, your news is always good news and always supplied by the government… Zimbabwe is the same… [Mugabe] even had a journalist he did not like murdered… the old Soviet Union… the daily newspaper Pravda… Murderous tyrants and military dictatorships license newspapers in countries such as North Korea, Burma, and Zimbabwe.

My god, those tyrants are so much like Julia Gillard and her diabolical “Co-PM” Bob Brown!

Unlike Mugabe’s henchmen, Brown wouldn’t kill a reporter, but he’d love the opportunity to kill off, or force the sale of, the masthead for which they worked.

See? It’s an easy leap – media diversity, equals “killing off” a newspaper, which is only a tiny jump from actually murdering journalists. And Mugabe being famous for demanding diverse media ownership.

Finally, and I am not kidding, this is how Alan starts his article complaining about the media inquiry:

WHO says there was a Big Bang? I didn’t hear it. Did you?

Of course, they’ll tell you we aren’t old enough. And what about these black holes? They’re everywhere.

Let’s get this right: Out there, somewhere beyond the Dandenongs, there are these swirling, bagless vacuum cleaner-like things violently sucking up planets nine times the size of our sun, along with untold sorts of other intergalactic matter, all of which becomes invisible once they enter a void we cannot see, photograph or measure.

Illuminated? That’s why people buy the Herald Sun. For the football results its quality journalism.

I suspect Howe’s effort today was worth at least a thousand new subscriptions for Southbank. At least.


15 thoughts on “Alan Howe: it’s not a Godwin if I compare them with everyone BUT Hitler, is it?

  1. DoctorPaul

    What odds somebody at the Murdoch press is going to find sinister significance in the fact that President Mugabe, Senator Brown and Professor Manne all have the same first name?

  2. monkeywrench

    “…violently sucking up planets nine times the size of our sun, along with untold sorts of other intergalactic matter, all of which becomes invisible once they enter a void we cannot see, photograph or measure.”

    What the hell provoked this bullshit? Either he is tailoring this piece to appeal to the bogan readership…or he really is a halfwit. Is it any surprise that News Ltd, hates scientists, and vice versa? Planets don’t exist that are “nine times larger than our sun’, Allan. They’re called stars. And you can’t see or photograph gravity, Allan, but you sure as hell can measure it. I suggest you go to the top of your Southbank offices, jump off, and tell us how long it takes you to land on your thick skull.

  3. silkworm

    Questioning the Big Bang is just about as mad as questioning evolution. It’s simply an anti-science position. I’ll bet Howe is a creationist.

  4. stephdoubleu

    If that is the standard of writing by which you can get a double page spread in the biggest selling paper in the country then I am getting my 12 year old cousin to write up an analysis of the carbon tax. Should be in by Friday.

  5. AR

    It’s that damned jackboot democracy against which the MM railed only last week.
    We have been warned. Or warmed with embarrassment at belonging to the same species.

  6. Coldsnacks

    LHO : the disclaimer at the end should have been at the top- then I could have avoided reading that piece of tripe.

    Unprecedented moratorium on settlement? Right, that’s why they’ve all stopped builiding. Oh, wait a second.

    Israel pushing for a 2 state solution? Sure but on the proviso that Palestine can’t have an army or anything else that actually means statehood for fear of the (originally Israeli backed) Islamists

  7. Lee Harvey Oddworld

    SHV @ 6.

    If you have a stomach for bald hypocrisy and rhetorical gymnastics, here’s Colin Rubenstein’s piece:

  8. lindsayb

    Just for Alan, a fantastic video clip of stars circling a black hole (or some other invisible object with an enormous gravitational presence, which for the sake of simplicity we could call a black hole)

  9. SHV

    LHO, I haven’t been looking too hard – but what ARE the objections?

    I’m expecting that as soon as they can work out some line that doesn’t sound too much like just sheer bloody-mindedness, we’ll be treated to it from all the usual clowns.

  10. Lee Harvey Oddworld

    Anyone know if Howe has dutifully copy-and-pasted the hasbarist objections to a yes-vote on the Palestinian state yet? With a bit of his own heavy seasoning on top?

  11. quantize

    Idiotic drivel…the shrieking definitely says they have a lot to hide..

  12. The Magical Liopleurodon

    Who says Alan Howe exists? I’ve never seen him. Have you?

  13. shepherdmarilyn

    The Newsltd hysteria leads us all to think they have plenty to hide.

  14. Mord

    The worst part is in his online version… most people agree with him simply because he’s taking a stab at Gillard and Brown and feeding the whole “Green Invasion” agenda. I don’t think nearly half of them actually read his commentary. Now that I look back… it seems that no-one actually reads past the headlines on the HS (and it seems the editors know this).

    I’m still amazed he actually started off his piece with that unrelated tripe.

  15. Bloods05

    Alan Howe is an idiot. I know, I saw him talking on the telly once. Even before he opened his mouth I knew he was an idiot. He has idiot written all over him. Don’t give him a moment’s attention, it’s a moment wasted and one you will never get back.

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