Piers Akerman

Nov 21, 2011

Piers’ hits and memories

Do you remember the time that almost every sho

Pure Poison IconDo you remember the time that almost every show on TV used to put together an episode that was almost nothing but flashbacks as a way to cheaply pad out the schedule? It was a bit like that reading Piers Akerman on the weekend as he prepares for the fourth anniversary of the ALP defeating John Howard.

Coming at you like a violent gastro attack is the fourth anniversary of the Rudd/Gillard Labor election.

Charming.

Let’s walk down memory lane with Piers, being careful not to step in the remnants of his metaphor.It won’t come as a shock that for something as important as an anniversary Piers pulled out all the stops:

the pink batt program which incinerated homes and killed installers, the school building program which was effectively ripped-off, the closure of the effective Nauru detention centre and its replacement with an ineffective border protection strategy.

But don’t let reality interfere, let’s keep on trucking:

The greatest example of Labor’s cack-handed administration is (to date) the NBN. Set up in such a rush that no due diligence was performed on those appointed to run the broadband program

Glad we covered that, anything else?

There was Rudd’s great 20/20 Summit talkfest, 962 ideas put forward, nine accepted for a cost of $2 million. The abandoned $8.4 million GroceryWatch program, the abandoned $20 million FuelWatch, the $1.2 billion blow-out of the computer for every pupil scheme, the $1.7 billion blow-out in the BER program (with waste running between $6 billion and $8 billion). Then there was the axed Green Start program, Green Car Innovation Fund and Green Loans scheme.

Hang on, are we counting the BER scheme twice? And I would have thought that axing green programs would warm the cockles of Piers’ coal-fired heart?

I could easily fill twice this space without listing all the failed programs. The details of the cost of the carbon dioxide tax, the opportunities lost, the economic damage, could alone more than fill this paper.

And yet economically, Australia is one of the best performing developed nations in the world. How have we managed to survive the Global Financial Crisis, which was the impetus for many of the programs and policy changes that Piers complains about, if this government is so hell bent on destroying Australia?

Pink batts, school halls, boat people, great big new tax; we’ve heard it all before and it’s not becoming more convincing with repetition. With the carbon trading legislation passed and the mining tax scheduled to pass the House this week I suspect that there’ll be a lot of retrospectives of this type throughout 2012 as the trollumsphere runs out of new things to complain about.

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17 comments

17 thoughts on “Piers’ hits and memories

  1. AR

    Could someone remind me when MM last did a full-on presser (as distinct from doorstop when he could flee the moment his brain froze – increasingly often these days as the contradictions pile up)?
    Try to imagine him on 7.30 Report with Kezza or even the milk sop 7.30 with Leigh Sales – not a chance.

  2. sean

    Abbott doesn’t go on Lateline because he thinks they’re leftys. He doesn’t go on Lateline because they won’t ask the questions his minders want, and he can’t be trusted to keep to script. Then whines about how leftys are always on Lateline. See what he did there?

  3. Cuppa

    [#10,Don’t overestimate Bolt’s awareness: Mr Oblivious is currently wondering why Bob Brown and other Greens never accepted invitations to appear on his show!]

    Too funny!

    Would he expect Liberals to appear on a progressive party’s ‘talk show’ (assuming there were such a show in existence)?

    Of course he wouldn’t. Abbott won’t even go on Lateline, FFS. Perish the thought!

  4. Aliar Jones

    [I say let Lurch and his minions meet Bolt on his show. Should make for some fun T.V.]

    Nah I say let the conservative elite and their lacky commentariat continue to fling dumb shit on the walls..there’s no engaging with people so seriously disconnected from logic.

    btw Lurch was a cool character

  5. Archer

    @heavylambs

    Oh, come on. How many times have conservative politicians or writers been outnumbered on Q&A?

    I say let Lurch and his minions meet Bolt on his show. Should make for some fun T.V.

  6. heavylambs

    #10,Don’t overestimate Bolt’s awareness: Mr Oblivious is currently wondering why Bob Brown and other Greens never accepted invitations to appear on his show!

  7. sean

    Tomas @7, that’s one of his recent themes, how the Canberra press gallery is captured by leftys and Greens, just like Fairfax, other bloggers and anyone else with a different opinion is. His commentators make Bolt’s crew look like happy bunnies in the meadows, they’re actually more interesting than Piers. Woe betide the lone dissenting voice. After a preparatory pummeling by his disciples, Piers will show up and typically tell them to start their own site.

    My vote for a new section: Piers Ackerman Drama World.

  8. Aliar Jones

    Pretty funny that an oaf like Piers, with such a sewer mouth, should be lecturing anyone about etiquette.

    His writing always seems so borish and lazy..like Janet’s…there’s not even a semblance of sanity in any of it…even Bolt seems vaguely aware that there might actually BE another side of an argument (ie ‘i’m not saying that)

  9. shepherdmarilyn

    Funny how the million houses that were supposed to burn down are still standing isn’t it?

    And what does the arrival of refugees have to do with border security and why are we still reading crap about the illegal exercise on Nauru.

  10. Brizben

    [And I would have thought that axing green programs would warm the cockles of Piers’ coal-fired heart?]
    Yeah I thought that would make the righties happy too.

    Once the new financial year rolls around and a lot of people are better off under the new tax reforms, the scare campaign about the “great big new tax” will make the opposition look silly.

    I know a lot of Labour supporters who are very unhappy about the way the govt handled boat people but they wont speak out against the govt because of the way politics has been played in recent times. I also know some diehard Liberal supporters who are having trouble believing what the Libs are saying for the same reason.

    I think if Peirs et al shut up some genuine political conversation might emerge.

  11. Tomus Barava

    Is it just me or are Piers’ coprophagous outpourings being addressed not to his usual audience but to those of his own profession?

    [This is the much-needed reality check after the blizzard of spin surrounding the Qantas dispute, the Queen’s CHOGM visit and US President Obama’s 28-hour love-in.

    Coming at you like a violent gastro attack is the fourth anniversary of the Rudd/Gillard Labor election.

    Those who have fallen victim to the Stockholm Syndrome and are now in love with their captors are in for a serious wake-up call.]

  12. ConnorJ

    That was supposed to read “where readers can POST the perfectly sane and civil comments that didn’t make it through News moderation and juxtapose it with the stir-crazy wingnuttery that DOES make it through moderation.”, if a kind mod feels like deigning to editing it for me?

  13. ConnorJ

    You should make this regular column. The man makes Bolt look hinged.

    And while we’re on the topic of issuing unsolicited advice on how you should do your job, why not have an alternate Cut n Paste thread where readers can juxtapose the perfectly sane and civil comments that didn’t make it through News moderation with the stir-crazy wingnuttery that DOES make it through moderation.

  14. monkeywrench

    ” Men who have lived in the tropics
    know what the heat can do.
    When the pricks hang limp like gutted shrimp,
    and the testicles stick like glue.”
    Piers Akerman

    Still his best work, in my opinion.

  15. Russ44

    Given that Piers was dreadfully affronted (wrongly) by the PM’s inability to curtsy to the Queen, I assume he has also lashed out at Tony Abbott’s trashing of the parliamentary tradition of not injecting domestic politics into welcomes to overseas dignitaries invited to address the parliament. Or am I waiting in vain?

    And by the way Piers, Rudd’s gathering was 2020; 20/20 is (sort of) the abbreviated cricket game.

  16. Cuppa

    Poor tired old boring Piers, like a needle stuck in a record groove, reprising the same passage again and again and again.

    Actually, to mix the metaphors, he’s another sort of needle as well. A needle in the haystack of right-wing media mouthpieces. Read one, you’ve read them all. A pea in a pod. Unremarkable, undifferentiated. Redundant.

  17. The Pav

    Given the {Snips}‘s not insignificant avoirdupois I am sure that the extent of his consumption means he is well acquaitend with “gastro attacks”.

    Probably the only thing he is qualified to write about because the rest is sheer Liberal Party spin.

    One can only he has wilfully not read the CSIRO report & the Auditor General’s report so he can stay ignorant and {Snip – let’s not get too personal}

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